I would also try to cut way back on the introductory "how it works" material, and focus on how the user can get things done using Fleet Commander. That will also limit the length of the articles in a way that makes them more readable (and more likely to be read). Paul On Thu, Nov 7, 2019 at 8:31 AM Oliver Gutierrez <ogutierrez@xxxxxxxxxx> wrote: > Hi there. > > I've modified the article with all the fantastic suggestions by Dale Raby. > > Also I've removed the duplicated content and converted the document to ODF, > PDF and txt for people with slow computers or no google account. > > Thanks for all and regards. > > On Tue, Jun 26, 2018 at 10:45 AM Oliver Gutierrez <ogutierrez@xxxxxxxxxx> > wrote: > > > Thank you very much Dale. I'm fixing the whole things you pointed. Almost > > all of them make sense from the IT part. :) > > > > I will finish the modifications maybe today or tomorrown and I will > change > > the document to a text document so you can review it better :) > > > > Thanks for your help and your time! > > > > On Sat, Jun 23, 2018 at 4:53 AM Dale Raby <daleraby@xxxxxxxxx> wrote: > > > >> Just put in some suggestions. Your English is better than my Spanish > but > >> I found a few minor grammatical errors. > >> > >> The biggest problem I found was that there seems to be a large block of > >> text that is a duplication. The section with the graphics is difficult > for > >> me to view with my slow connection here. > >> > >> Google documents are always difficult for me to edit. Google assumes > >> that everyone has very fast connections and modern machines. I have > >> neither. It put me into "suggestion mode", which is actually very > clever > >> of them... if only I had a fast connection! > >> > >> Bear in mind, that while I am a native speaker of English and have > >> actually done quite a bit of writing, I am NOT an IT expert. So.... > take > >> any suggestions I give you with caution. I could be misunderstanding > your > >> intent. > >> > >> I will look at this again tomorrow when I am not half asleep. > Neighbor's > >> cattle (Herfords, two heifers, a calf and a 1,200 pound bull) got out > onto > >> the road this evening. I and former US Congressman Alan Lasee helped a > >> police officer and the owner get them back into the enclosure. Was > quite > >> enough excitement for me! > >> > >> Dale > >> > >> On Fri, Jun 22, 2018 at 4:14 PM, Oliver Gutierrez < > ogutierrez@xxxxxxxxxx> > >> wrote: > >> > >>> Thank you very much Mr Raby! Just give me the time to separate it in > >>> sections (so I will need to ad intros and outros for each block) and > after > >>> that I will need a review. > >>> > >>> In the meantime, I will give you the access you required :) > >>> > >>> You just need to access the document in this URL > >>> > >>> > >>> > https://docs.google.com/document/d/1VpQhEoTXUkrzTxxVLxLED3IkZL_Lj3JptZ5m1FMDRHU/edit?usp=sharing > >>> > >>> Then Google will allow you to ask for document access and I will > receive > >>> a notification to give you the permissions. > >>> > >>> If you do that and you see I had not answered or allowed, please tell > me > >>> because maybe the notification is lost in my inbox. > >>> > >>> Again thanks. > >>> > >>> > >>> P.D. Swear words in spanish are usually enough to be very communicative > >>> of your current mood :P > >>> > >>> P.D. 2: After trying to send this email again, google asked me to give > >>> automatic access to view the document to recipients, so maybe you will > be > >>> able to see it after receiving this. > >>> > >>> > >>> On Fri, Jun 22, 2018 at 4:35 PM Dale Raby <daleraby@xxxxxxxxx> wrote: > >>> > >>>> Senor Gutierrez: > >>>> > >>>> I will be happy to look over your article(s) and address any > linguistic > >>>> issues. I speak English quite well, German OK, but my Spanish is > >>>> limited > >>>> to swear words my Puerto Rican roommate taught me during my army days. > >>>> > >>>> I need permission to access your document though. > >>>> > >>>> Dale > >>>> > >>>> On Fri, Jun 22, 2018 at 6:50 AM, Oliver Gutierrez < > >>>> ogutierrez@xxxxxxxxxx> > >>>> wrote: > >>>> > >>>> > Yeah, I can do that. Just give me some time to do it and I can > >>>> separate > >>>> > them into more "atomic" pieces :) > >>>> > > >>>> > Thanks for reviewing! > >>>> > > >>>> > > >>>> > On Fri, Jun 22, 2018 at 2:16 AM Paul Frields <stickster@xxxxxxxxx> > >>>> wrote: > >>>> > > >>>> > > On Thu, Jun 7, 2018 at 1:06 PM Oliver Gutierrez < > >>>> ogutierrez@xxxxxxxxxx> > >>>> > > wrote: > >>>> > > > > >>>> > > > Hi there. > >>>> > > > > >>>> > > > Here it is the Fleet Commander draft article I promised to Paul > >>>> for > >>>> > > review. > >>>> > > > > >>>> > > > > >>>> > > https://docs.google.com/document/d/1VpQhEoTXUkrzTxxVLxLED3IkZL_ > >>>> > Lj3JptZ5m1FMDRHU/edit?usp=sharing > >>>> > > > > >>>> > > > Please, tell me whatever change you want to enhance it and as > >>>> English > >>>> > is > >>>> > > > not my mother language, any suggestion, correction etc. is most > >>>> > welcome. > >>>> > > > >>>> > > Hi Oliver, > >>>> > > > >>>> > > There's a LOT of good material here! However, 13 pages is just too > >>>> > > long for a Magazine article. (Although your document looks like it > >>>> > > might duplicate material, and it might be 6.5 pages * 2.) Can you > >>>> > > consider cutting this up into a couple articles? They could run > like > >>>> > > this: > >>>> > > > >>>> > > * What is FC and how do you install it? > >>>> > > * Setting up a test environment and showing how to set up a > profile > >>>> > > > >>>> > > -- > >>>> > > Paul > >>>> > > > >>>> > _______________________________________________ > >>>> > Fedora Magazine mailing list -- magazine@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > >>>> > To unsubscribe send an email to > >>>> magazine-leave@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > >>>> > Fedora Code of Conduct: https://getfedora.org/code-of-conduct.html > >>>> > List Guidelines: > >>>> https://fedoraproject.org/wiki/Mailing_list_guidelines > >>>> > List Archives: > >>>> https://lists.fedoraproject.org/archives/list/magazine@ > >>>> > lists.fedoraproject.org/message/7DXFRUSQMU3UQCVXLUE67ZZBKPWXPYFX/ > >>>> > > >>>> > >>>> > >>>> > >>>> -- > >>>> > >>>> > >>>> > >>>> *Buy my books! The Wives of Jacob, Book I, In the Beginning, The > >>>> Post-Apocalyptic Blacksmith, 777 Bon Mots for Gunslingers and Other > Real > >>>> Men, available at most on-line booksellers in multiple formats.Note: > >>>> The > >>>> People of Jacb, Book II, In the Middle is currently being > copy-editedand > >>>> should be out soon. Just Google my name for a complete list of my > >>>> work.* > >>>> _______________________________________________ > >>>> Fedora Magazine mailing list -- magazine@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > >>>> To unsubscribe send an email to > magazine-leave@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > >>>> Fedora Code of Conduct: https://getfedora.org/code-of-conduct.html > >>>> List Guidelines: > https://fedoraproject.org/wiki/Mailing_list_guidelines > >>>> List Archives: > >>>> > https://lists.fedoraproject.org/archives/list/magazine@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx/message/MY2KH76POZTSXMJCCRB2XZDVMPFM2YMI/ > >>>> > >>> > >> > >> > >> -- > >> > >> > >> *Buy my books! The Wives of Jacob, Book I, In the Beginning, The > >> Post-Apocalyptic Blacksmith, 777 Bon Mots for Gunslingers and Other Real > >> Men, available at most on-line booksellers in multiple formats.* > >> > >> *Note: The People of Jacb, Book II, In the Middle is currently being > >> copy-editedand should be out soon. Just Google my name for a complete > list > >> of my work.* > >> > >> > _______________________________________________ > Fedora Magazine mailing list -- magazine@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > To unsubscribe send an email to magazine-leave@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > Fedora Code of Conduct: > https://docs.fedoraproject.org/en-US/project/code-of-conduct/ > List Guidelines: https://fedoraproject.org/wiki/Mailing_list_guidelines > List Archives: > https://lists.fedoraproject.org/archives/list/magazine@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > _______________________________________________ Fedora Magazine mailing list -- magazine@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx To unsubscribe send an email to magazine-leave@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Fedora Code of Conduct: https://docs.fedoraproject.org/en-US/project/code-of-conduct/ List Guidelines: https://fedoraproject.org/wiki/Mailing_list_guidelines List Archives: https://lists.fedoraproject.org/archives/list/magazine@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
