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Unfortunately I can't do much about the situation in the Rich [Chris:]
Would I be
any happier in the [Chris:]
Like other people I have short periods of happiness with bouts of sadness in
between. What was the point of being alive? I never did find out any reason for
being alive but the alternative is so unattractive that I keep on being alive. I am
very sad at present my friends have all gone, some done in some just left, no
one seems to want to talk to me, what I say jars peoples ears and they shun me
so they cannot hear me speak the truth. We all
want to live a fairy story of a TV soap opera with friends and relatives always
calling while living the nuclear family with three spaced out children. My
sister achieved it but one child took sick and died so happiness left the
family. I was
married once and wanted the ideal marriage but I took sick, people attacked and
she vanished, she came back a while a go to help bring up my adopted daughter
but then got shot on a beach in Dorset while us three were on holiday. Then I
was back on my own again; my daughter in care and my wife lying dead on the
beach. She is not the only girl nature chose to put in my arms and there is a
crop of young people who have me as their ancestor. Now
I’m on my own with my 95 year old confused mum to look after, she wants
her family back too, her two brothers and two sisters, mum and dad all taken by
the Horus and she is succumbing bite by bite and he has eaten my health away
too. When
the Horus finally takes me there will be no one to morn my death, not one
person to come to the chapel to close my eyes nor see to any memorial and there
will be none for mum nor her siblings nor her mother as no one bothered to see
to making one. If I
die in the forest I will be eaten by the scavengers, they will probably cremate
me so there will be no body to lay to rest nor eaten by worms. Kim
died when she fell down the stairs, I was her teenage love and although we
briefly married, after the ambush and my incapacity she married a fireman, now
no one tastes her rosy lips nor strokes her jet black curly hair. She has gone
ultimately the victim of an attack by a patient in the hospital where she cared
for those who were confused. A head-butt was the ultimate cause of death that
left her mind damaged and her body broken but she remembered the haven by the
sea and me. Shirley
died of an illness as did Ruth and Jenny did not die but became a Buddhist monk
and Liz married someone else then left him after practising infanticide on her
new born child by him as he treated her cruelly and she went to prison,
Angela died of cancer of the uterus in my arms when she expired in bed
together. Julie died when a Katusha rocket took down our home leaving me
holding the Little Jew we had and he is now an Israeli. One
girl went home to a big city after leaving another country and saw her dad die
of a heart attack on the doorstep our child has now passed her test on twin
engines flight and has a degree at the Forest university. She does not work as
her granddad was very rich. Another
girl had a nasty infectious disease so I turned her down but she was rich too,
her daughter was OK but married a rich man and head of a foreign government. I met
some of my toddler grandchildren the other day… Life goes on... I should
be happy. One girl was not allowed to marry me and that does go for others too
but her dad was too late and he helped bring up our daughter and that does go
for others too. One
girl had an abortion and got pregnant again to have another go as she did
regret it. As one
lost friend said we bang our way through life….. Cheer
up you will soon be dead and your children carry on after you. As fast
as an arrow in the sky--- no one can catch you now… don’t turn the
navigation or they will shoot you down, over those trees to Estonia and out
across the Zuder Zee and see those Frisian islands in the sunlit sea, up…
up the control said “vert” and 500 miles into space – boy is
it quite the engines have stopped, do I bale out, no there is no air outside
and you have no parachute. I can see Now
I’m on my own…. |
