Reviewer: Pete Resnick Review result: Ready with Nits I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed by the IESG for the IETF Chair. Please treat these comments just like any other last call comments. For more information, please see the FAQ at <https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>. Document: draft-ietf-detnet-use-cases-18 Reviewer: Pete Resnick Review Date: 2018-10-04 IETF LC End Date: 2018-10-03 IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat Summary: Ready with Nits This was a really cool document to read simply because of the breadth of the industries involved. It clearly is going to need a good grammatical editing pass by the RFC Editor, but none of the errors are the kind that make the text hard to understand. All of my comments below are editorial in nature. Major issues: None Minor issues: None Nits/editorial comments: For all of the below, the world does not end if you don't fix them, but please consider: ---- Abstract: The first paragraph of intro seems like a better abstract. I don't think the abstract needs as much detail as you've got in there. ---- The Intro says: For DetNet, use cases explicitly do not define requirements; The DetNet WG will consider the use cases, decide which elements are in scope for DetNet, and the results will be incorporated into future drafts. Then why was 2.1.4 removed? It seems like it might be useful for historical context. ---- In general, I don't like using "we" in consensus documents because it makes it ambiguous whether the "we" is the "the author(s), "the detnet WG"", "the IETF", or "this document". Additionally, using phrases like "we believe" or "we think" are superfluous in most cases. Search for " we" and think about how to get rid of such uses. A few examples: 2.2 I think you can simply just delete "we believe that". This document is making a statement; no reason to hedge. 4.3 "In the future we expect". Changing to the passive voice solves the problem: "It is expected that in the future" 5.3.2.1 "We would like to see DetNet define such a protocol". Detnet is the author of this document, so "we" here seems really weird. There are many other examples. Doing a search for " we " and seeing if you can clean them up would be useful. ---- Throughout 3.1.1, 6.1.2, 7.3, 7.4: I presume "###us" is meant to be "###µs". I believe I-Ds are now allowed to have such characters. ---- In 3.3.2.3, there is no discussion about how this relates to NTP. I'm not sure if that is necessary, but it seems odd for an IETF document. ---- I like that you have security considerations sprinkled throughout the document instead of trying to combine them into one big section. However, some of the sections are missing security considerations. For example, I think even I could come up with some security considerations for the mining industry case. SECDIR might have more to say, but I think it's worth adding these. ---- The FQDN idnit is because of Juergen Schmitt's email address, and it is fine.
