I am an assigned INT directorate reviewer for draft-ietf-lpwan-schc-yang-data-model-15. These comments were written primarily for the benefit of the Internet Area Directors. Document editors and shepherd(s) should treat these comments just like they would treat comments from any other IETF contributors and resolve them along with any other Last Call comments that have been received. For more details on the INT Directorate, see https://datatracker.ietf.org/group/intdir/about/ <https://datatracker.ietf.org/group/intdir/about/>.
Based on my review, the document is Almost Ready.
I really don't like the third bullet in Section 1, whose contents is just an ellipses ("..."). So one of the three primary goals of the "document is to formalize the description of the rules to offer:" ellipses? 😀 (I don't mind the ellipses in the second bullet as that is just extending a list of examples, although there should be a space between it and the preceding comma.)
The last sentence of Section 1 and the first sentence of Section 3 are identical, except for a reference missing in Section 3, and they are quite close together. I suggest simply deleting the first sentence of Section 3.
Donald
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Donald E. Eastlake 3rd +1-508-333-2270 (cell)
2386 Panoramic Circle, Apopka, FL 32703 USA
d3e3e3@xxxxxxxxx
Based on my review, the document is Almost Ready.
I did not see any big problems from an INTAREA point of view but there are just too many things that I didn't understand. I did not review the YANG part in detail but did scan some of the text in the YANG.
The following are the somewhat more serious things I found:
Section 3.8.1: I don't understand this "(see chapter Section 3.7)". What "chapter"? There does not seem to be a mention of "tv-struct" in Section 3.7 of this document...
Section 3.10.5, first bullet item: "must" -> "MUST"
Section 4, page 11: What does "in extenso" mean?
Section 4.1, page 11, first bullet item: "must" -> "MUST"
Globally replace all three occurrences of "proposes" with "specifies"
There are places where "forbidden" is used that should perhaps be changed to "MUST NOT".
Section 5, page 40, for max-interleaved-frames: "must be active" -> "can be active" or perhaps a more radical re-wording "but at most max-interleaved-frames must be active at any time" -> "but more than max-interleaved-frames MUST NOT be active at any time"
I really don't like the third bullet in Section 1, whose contents is just an ellipses ("..."). So one of the three primary goals of the "document is to formalize the description of the rules to offer:" ellipses? 😀 (I don't mind the ellipses in the second bullet as that is just extending a list of examples, although there should be a space between it and the preceding comma.)
Here are some more minor points:
The last sentence of Section 1 and the first sentence of Section 3 are identical, except for a reference missing in Section 3, and they are quite close together. I suggest simply deleting the first sentence of Section 3.
Section 3, page 3: I suggest expanding ID on first use. "ID" -> "ID (identifier)" assuming that's what it means.
There are a number of typos / minor English problems as follows:
Section 3, page 3, "serveur" -> "server"
Section 3, page 4, "allows to select" - "allows selecting"
Section 3.2, page 3, replace the first sentence of Section 3.2 with the following:
Identifiers used in the SCHC YANG data model are from the identityref
statement to ensure global uniqueness and easy augmentation if needed.
Section 3.2, page 5, "4 bytes-long" -> "4 bytes long"
Section 3.3, page 6, "bits derives" -> "bits derive"
Section 3.4, page 6, "giving in bits the size of the length" -> "giving the length in bits"
Section 3.5, page 6, "an uint8" -> "uint8"
Section 3.7, page 7, "allows to specify" -> "can specify"
Section 3.10.2, page 8, "starting with the rule ID can be sent on" -> "starting with the rule ID, can be sent in"
Section 3.10.2, page 8, first bullet item, last line, "in" -> "is"
Section 3.10.5, page 10, "handle correctly fragmentation" -> "handle fragmentation correctly"
Section 3.10.5, page 10, "sould" -> "could"
Section 3.10.7, page 11, "integer" -> "integers"
Section 5, page 14: The RFC Editor's policy (with which I agree) is that when there is a list of three or more items, there should be a comma after the next to last item, before the "and". So "compression and fragmentation" -> "compression, and fragmentation"
Section 5, page 38: As immediately above. "packet and its direction." -> "packet, and its directions."
Section 6, page 43, next to last line, "conform" -> "conforming"
Donald
===============================
Donald E. Eastlake 3rd +1-508-333-2270 (cell)
2386 Panoramic Circle, Apopka, FL 32703 USA
d3e3e3@xxxxxxxxx
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