Peter, thank you for your review. I have entered a No Objection ballot for this document. Lars On 2021-5-6, at 6:41, Peter Yee via Datatracker <noreply@xxxxxxxx> wrote: > > Reviewer: Peter Yee > Review result: Ready with Issues > > I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area > Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed > by the IESG for the IETF Chair. Please treat these comments just > like any other last call comments. > > For more information, please see the FAQ at > > <https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>. > > Document: draft-ietf-avtcore-multi-party-rtt-mix-14 > Reviewer: Peter Yee > Review Date: 2021-05-05 > IETF LC End Date: 2021-05-03 > IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat > > Summary: This draft specifies updates to RFC 4103 to allow real-time text > mixing for both multiparty-aware and multiparty-unaware participants. It has > some minor issues that should be addressed before publication. [Ready with > issues] > > Major issues: None > > Minor issues: > > Page 7, 1st block, 13th sentence: what constitutes a “reasonable effort”? It > might be best to drop this sentence. > > Page 7, 2nd block, 2nd sentence, “300 ms”: would it make sense to append > “period” or “timeout” after this value? > > Page 13, section 3.4, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: in regards to “only part”, > how is this calculated? > > Page 15, section 3.12, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: The placing of all > available redundant levels in the packet is presumably subject to a maximum > packet size or the “CPS” limit, if there are obnoxious levels of redundancy > specified? > > Page 17, section 3.17.2, 4th paragraph, 2nd sentence: “SHALL prefer” seems odd. > It doesn’t say that the marking will actually be done. It’s just preferred. If > you’re not going to require the marking in that sentence, then perhaps change > “SHALL” to “SHOULD”. > > Page 19, section 3.20, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: I don’t find the “something > specific” particularly enlightening. Like what? An identifier for the method? > > Page 27, section 4.2.2, 4th paragraph: can you elaborate on these “Integrity > considerations”? Otherwise, it’s difficult to comply with the SHALL in any > meaningful way. > > Page 33, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: any reason for the change from “T.140” in > the previous and following paragraphs to “t140” in this one? > > Page 33, 6th paragraph: how is disappearance determined? > > Page 35, section 11, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence before creating a new sentence > (see nits, below): I’m having troubles tying the adjective “secure” to each of > the nouns in the sentence. It works for “signaling” and perhaps “media”, but > for “authentication”, one sort of assumes that authentication mechanism is > secure and helping to provide the security. Perhaps you could reword that > sentence? > > Nits/editorial comments: > > General: > Change “multi-party” to “multiparty” throughout the document. While we are a > bit inconsistent about that particular hyphenation within the IETF, all major > dictionaries I sampled spell this as a single, non-hyphenated word. > > Append a comma after each instance of “e.g.”. > > Change “multiparty aware” to “multiparty-aware” throughout the document except > in two cases where you “multiparty awareness”, which should be left alone. > These are located in section 4.2, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence and section 6.1, > 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence. > > Change “fall-back” to “fallback” in a few places in the document. Both uses are > found in the document. > > Change “RTP-mixer based” to “RTP-mixer-based” throughout the document. > > Change “multiparty capable” to “multiparty-capable” throughout the document. > > Delete periods at the end of section/subsection titles, e.g., section 6.2. > > Specific: > > Page 1, Abstract, 1st sentence: I’d rewrite it in the active voice as: “This > document provides enhancements for RFC 4103 real-time text mixing suitable for > a centralized conference model that enables source identification and rapidly > interleaved transmission of text from different sources.” > > Page 1, Abstract, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: insert a hyphen between > “multiparty” and “coded”. > > Page 5, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: I think I would change “in” to “at”. > > Page 5, 7th paragraph, 3rd sentence: delete “any”. Change “way” to “ways”. > > Page 6, section 1.1, 2nd paragraph: insert “are” before “as”. > > Page 6, section 1.1, “WebRTC” term: change “web based” to “web-based”. Insert > “real-time” before “communication”. > > Page 6, “DTLS-SRTP” term: delete “stands for security”. Insert “is a DTLS > extension for use with SRTP/SRTCP” before “specified”. > > Page 6, “multiparty-aware” term: change “stands for” to “describes”. Append a > comma after “real-time” before “separated”. Append a comma after “source”. > > Page 6, “multiparty-unaware”: change “stands for” to “describes”. > > Pages 7 and 8: delete the period after each of the non-indented lines, e.g., at > the end of “Multiple RTP streams, one per participant.” > > Page 7, 1st block, 4th sentence: change “end to end” to “end-to-end”. > > Page 7, 1st block, 11th sentence: append a comma after “participant”. Delete > the following “and”. Insert “with” before “no”. > > Page 7, 1st block, 14th sentence: change “implementation” to “implementations” > and delete “technologies” unless you really want the problem is in regards to > technologies and not particular implementations. > > Page 7, 1st block 15th sentence: change “made” to “led to”. Insert “being” > before “only”. > > Page 7, 2nd block, 1st sentence: insert “a” before “shorter”. Insert “the” > before source”. Insert “the” before “CSRC”. Append field after “CSRC”. > > Page 7, 2nd block, 2nd sentence: insert “a” before the quoted “text/t140”. > > Page 7, 2nd block, 3rd sentence: delete the whole sentence. > > Page 7, 2nd block, 6th sentence: move “with” before “receivers”. Insert “having > the” before “default”. > > Page 8, 1st partial block, 2nd full sentence: insert “it” before “corresponds”. > > Page 8, 1st full block, 6th sentence: change “be varying” to “vary”. > > Page 8, 1st full block, 9th sentence: change “while” to “When”. > > Page 9, section 1.3, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: change “calltaker” to “call > taker”. Change “observing” to “to observe”. > > Page 11, section 2.4, 3rd paragraph: append a comma after “CSRC-list”. > > Page 12, section 3.1, 4th paragraph: change “From other aspects” to “In other > regards”. > > Page 13, section 3.4, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert a hyphen between “10” > and “second”. > > Page 13, section 3.4, 1st paragraph, 4th sentence: delete “a” before “good”. > > Page 13, section 3.4, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: insert “SHALL be” before > “sent”. Insert “the” before “end”. > > Page 13, section 3.4, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: Append a period at the end > of the sentence. > > Page 13, section 3.4, 3rd paragraph: change “in” to “as”. > > Page 13, section 3.6: insert a hyphen between “locally” and “produced”. Append > “text” after “produced”. > > Page 14, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: delete the comma after “T140blocks”. > > Page 14, section 3.10, 1st paragraph after the bullet points, 1st sentence: > insert “the” before “time”. > > Page 15, section 3.11, 2nd paragraph: append a comma after “switch”. Change > “poulated” to “populated”. > > Page 15, section 3.12, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: insert “the” before “next”. > > Page 15, section 3.12, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert “the” before “next”. > > Page 15, section 3.12, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “number” to “level”. > > Page 16, section 3.14, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: delete an extraneous space > after “(“. > > Page 16, section 3.14, 1st paragraph, last sentence: insert “self-sourced” > before “data”. Delete “that it is source of itself”. > > Page 16, section 3.16, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: append a comma after > “CNAME”. > > Page 17, section 3.17.2, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: insert “The receiver > SHALL monitor”. Change “The” to “the”. Delete “SHALL be monitored”. > > Page 17, section 3.17.2, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: append a comma after > “case”. Insert “the receiver SHALL create” before “a t140block”. Delete “SHALL > be created”. I’m suggesting but not certain that you might want to change “and > assigned” to “associated with”. > > Page 17, section 3.17.2, 4th paragraph, 1st sentence: change “if” to “whether” > if you are amenable to that wording. > > Page 18, 2nd paragraph: delete an extraneous blank line before this paragraph. > > Page 18, section 3.18, 1st sentence: insert a hyphen between “10” and “second”. > > Page 19, section 3.19, 1st sentence: insert “the” before “session”. Insert > “the” before “media”. > > Page 19, section 3.19, 2nd sentence: insert “the” before “media”. Consider > deleting “security by”. > > Page 19, section 3.19, 5th sentence: change “is” to “are”. > > Page 20, section 3.21, 4th sentence: append a period after “etc”. > > Page 21, 1st partial paragraph, 1st full sentence: insert “a” before “dropped”. > > Page 21, 1st full paragraph, 1st sentence: delete an extraneous space after > “(“. Where the word “area” occurs, would that make more sense as “buffer” or > “queue”? > > Page 21, 1st full paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert “initial” before the first > “text”. > > Page 22, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “in” to “due to”. > > Page 22, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: insert “packets” before “103”. Delete the > comma after “103”. > > Page 22, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: there appears to be an adverb missing > before “the”. Perhaps “during”? > > Page 22, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “21040” to “21060”. > > Page 22, 4th paragraph, 1st sentence: change “needs” to “need”. > > Page 22, 4th paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “21150” to “21160”. > > Page 23, section 4, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete “and”. > > Page 23, section 4, 3rd paragraph: consider changing “of” before “the text” to > “conveyed in”. > > Page 24, 1st full paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert “a” before “replacement”. > > Page 24, 1st full paragraph, 4th sentence: change “just” to “the same”. > > Page 26, section 4.2, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert a hyphen between > “best” and “effort”. > > Page 26, section 4.2, 4th paragraph, 1st sentence: append a comma after > “simulated”. > > Page 26, section 4.2, 4th paragraph, 4th sentence: change “is depending” to > “depends”. > > Page 26, section 4.2, 4th paragraph, 5th sentence: change “switch” to > “switching”. Append a comma after “can”. Append a comma after “example”. > > Page 26, section 4.2.1, 3rd sentence: append a comma after “keep-alive”. > > Page 27, 5th bullet point: insert “the” before “next”. Change “if even” to > “even if”. Insert “a” between “for” and “word delimiter”. > > Page 28, section 4.2.4, 1st paragraph: insert “the” before “UTF-8”. Change > “transform” to “transformation”. > > Page 28, section 4.2.4, “BEL”: change the comma after “session” to a period. > Capitalize “provides”. > > Page 28, section 4.2.4, “NEW LINE”, 3rd sentence: insert “the” before “display”. > > Page 28, section 4.2.4, “CR LF”, 1st sentence: delete the comma after > “supported”. > > Page 28, section 4.2.4, “CR LF”, 3rd sentence: insert “the” before “display”. > > Page 28, section 4.2.4, “INT ESC”, 1st sentence: insert “the” before “mode”. > > Page 28, section 4.2.4, “SGR”, 2nd sentence: insert “the” before “rendition”. > > Page 29, 1st partial sentence: insert a hyphen between “256” and “bytes”. Then > change “bytes” to “byte”. > > Page 29, “BOM”, 1st sentence: insert “it” before “SHALL”. > > Page 29, “Missing text mark”, 1st sentence: change the comma after “apostrophe > ‘” to a period. Insert “It” before “marks”. Insert “the” before “place”. Insert > “the” before “stream”. > > Page 29, “SGR”, 1st sentence: delete the comma after “(SGR)”. Insert “the” > before “status”. > > Page 29, “SGR”, 2nd sentence: change “originated” to “originating”. > > Page 29, BS, last sentence: change “not” to “be”. > > Page 32, section 6.1, title: drop the “e.g.” in the subsection title. > > Page 32, section 6.1, 2nd paragraph, parenthetical: perhaps you want “i.e.,” > instead of “e.g.” here given that further down you put “TTYS” in another > parenthetical as though it weren’t just an example but the only exemplar of > this type of device under discussion. > > Page 32, section 6.1, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: delete “make”. Change > “adaptions” to “adapt”. Delete “for” before “the functional”. Delete “(TTY)”. > > Page 32, section 6.1, 3rd paragraph: delete “(TTYs)”. > > Page 33, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert “a” before “two-way”. > > Page 33, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert “the” before “NAME”. > > Page 33, section 7: insert a hyphen between “multiparty” and “mixing” in this > one instance of that term. Other uses of the term in the document should not be > hyphenated. > > Page 34, section 8, 1st paragraph: I like the sound of the sentence better if > you swap “valid” and “also”. That’s just me. > > Page 34, section 8, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: insert a space between > “second” and “(“CPS”)”. > > Page 34, section 8, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert “an” before “RTP”. > Regarding “excess”: in excess of what? > > Page 35, section 11, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: append a comma after “pack”. > > Page 35, section 11, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: append a comma after “CNAME”. > > Page 35, section 11, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: I suggest inserting > “emitting” before “a continuous”. Change the comma after “flow of text” to a > period. Delete the following “or”. Change the rest of that sentence to read > something like: “They may also send text that appears to originate from other > participants.” I rewrote that because the malicious participants don’t > themselves masquerade as text, although that might be a mildly amusing > Halloween costume. > > Page 35, section 11, 4th paragraph: delete one of “section” or “Section”. You > capitalize that term interchangeably, so it’s your choice. > > Page 35, section 12.1 (when discussing -14 only): change “Cucherawy” to > “Kucherawy” unless we’re talking about someone else. Yeah, I know these will > all be deleted upon publication, but it caught my eye. I have not reviewed the > remainder of the change history entries. > > > > -- > last-call mailing list > last-call@xxxxxxxx > https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/last-call
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