On 8/7/20 12:34 PM, Richard Barnes
wrote:
On Fri, Aug 7, 2020 at 2:43 PM Dan Harkins <dharkins@xxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
I received actual feedback from actual people who claimed they were
harmed by my first couple emails on the subject. What was the harm? One
was that this person was considering blocking me in his email filter
(i.e. putting me in a "denylist") because of my statements. The
harm would be to the IETF because it would prevent the kinds of fruitful
technical discussions that I had had with this person in the past.
Now, that's the kind of thing an emotionally abusive person does. It's
"do what I say or you'll force me to do something you'll regret and it
will be all your fault". That's messed-up and I don't put up with those
kind of mind games. So while I too received real actual feedback from
real actual people I dismissed it.
Your actual feedback sounds like the same sorts of mind games-- "if
this discussion continues I'll give up on the IETF and you'll regret
it!"
On the contrary, it is perfectly healthy behavior to refuse to engage with people who dismiss your sincere concerns and whose behavior makes your life more difficult. And to communicate to them that their behavior is causing you to disengage.
On the contrary, it's a sign of emotionally abusive individual to appeal
to feelings and deny agency for action or project responsibility onto others.
"You're hurting me for not doing what I want" is a warning sign of an
abusive personality.
We shouldn't encourage or reward such manipulative behavior or we'll end
up getting more of it.
DNH.
--RLB
