On 7/27/20 5:54 AM, tom petch wrote:
And that is where I part company with you (and perhaps the starting point of this thread). To me it is fundamental that I cannot 'make' you or anyone else feel an emotion by what I say or do. What I say may engender sorrow in one, anger in another, fear in another and so no (although it would not have been my intention for any of this to happen). Rather, what emotion results is, in a deep sense, a choice made by the individual, perhaps affected by their personality, state of mind, history and so on; they have a choice to feel differently even if the conscious mind struggles to escape its immediate reaction.
I believe this is technically correct. I also think that readers/listeners have a responsibility to try to avoid interpreting others' speech in an offensive, oppressive, etc., way unless there's a compelling reason to do so.
However I also observe that people can have a very hard time doing this, unless perhaps they've been trained in the practice of being non-reactive. And a lot of cultures (including mine) reinforce the practice of being reactive. For instance, not reacting to a perceived offense can result in loss of status.
So I basically think we should not expect people to be perfect. We should try to avoid causing offense when we can, without assuming that we can always be successful. Successful communication often requires both the speaker and the listener to help build the bridge.
Keith
