Even if you travel abroad only occasionally, you may be familiar with = some of the better airports internationally.=20 Like wide-open spaces? Vancouver (B.C.) International Airport is your = terminal. Shopping? Amsterdam's Schiphol Airport is your preferred = stopover in Europe. Tidy? Dubai International Airport, winner of the = latest International Air Transport Association customer survey, fits = the bill.=20 The good airports are easy to find. They pop up on every "best-of" = list. They're no secret.=20 The bad ones? Well, that's another story. No one I know of conducts = "worst-of" polls. If they do, they're not widely publicized. That's a = shame, because it's these terminally awful terminals that you need to = know about.=20 I'm here to help. By popular request, here are my five worst = international airports. I've cobbled this list together with the help = of this column's readers, my personal experience, and the survey data I = was able to find.=20 But before I name names, allow me two quick disclaimers. First, this = list is biased toward destinations where you're likely to travel. For = example, one reader stationed in Iraq nominated Baghdad International = Airport as one of the world's worst - a designation I'm not inclined to = argue with. But which of us is planning a trip to Iraq anytime soon?=20 Second, and most important, if your hometown airport shows up here, = please don't fire an indignant e-mail saying I've insulted every = inhabitant of your city. I'm still counting the missives I got after I = said the New York area's three major airports tied for first place as = the worst airports in the United States. Really, folks, I love New = York. I just don't like its airports.=20 =20 Here we go:=20 =20 1. London Heathrow (LHR). This airport is so laughably bad that it = deserves its own category. It's a dark, confusing maze blocked with = security checkpoints staffed by humorless bureaucrats. And just when = you think you've found your gate, you're forced to board a rickety bus = that takes you to yet another dark, confusing maze of a terminal. On my = last visit to this airport, I contracted a wicked case of Norwalk = virus, the dreaded gastrointestinal ailment known for infecting cruise = passengers. Thanks a lot, Heathrow. Matt Petersen, who works for a = nonprofit organization in Alexandria, Va., says he's willing to = overlook the cigarette smoke and confusing layout at Heathrow, "but = there's no getting around the annoyance of that long, twisting, = lurching bus ride." Indeed, there isn't.=20 =20 One redeeming quality: The airport employees. Apart from the = stone-faced security guards, the gate agents, customs officials, and = airline employees I've met are friendly and apologetic about the = monstrosity they work in. Adds Sharon Adcock, a consultant from = Manhattan Beach, Calif.: "The shopping isn't bad, either."=20 =20 2. Mexico City (MEX). Benito Juarez Airport is Mexico's tribute to = Heathrow, to hear passengers talk about it. More of the same problems = plague this airport, from confusing terminals to inefficient = luggage-delivery systems, to the ever-present smoke. (As a point of = disclosure, when I travel south of the border, it's always by land. = Sounds as if that's the smart choice.) "Hellish," rants Oriana Tickell = de Castell=F3, a magazine editor from Mexico City. "I hate arriving on = a long-haul flight to Mexico City. The luggage bands are too small to = allow people to get close to it to pick up their luggage, especially = from a large aircraft. Chaos ensues."=20 =20 One redeeming quality: A new state-of-the-art extension of the east end = of the airport recently opened, relieving some of the congestion. = Unfortunately, it's not enough and now there's talk of building another = airport to take the pressure off of Benito Juarez Airport.=20 =20 3. Frankfurt, Germany (FRA). When readers nominated Frankfurt for my = "worst international airports" list, I was skeptical. I used the = airport frequently when I lived in Frankfurt a few years ago - never = with much of a problem. So I decided to investigate it one more time to = see if I was missing something. It turns out that I was. The walk = between my gate and the luggage claim area was far too long to be = called a walk. It was more of a hike. Cigarette smoke? Yeah, they've = got that too. I couldn't even find the luggage claim area for my flight = and ended up having to re-enter the secured area after making several = wrong turns. Departing from Frankfurt is equally difficult, according = to Alan Bloom, an executive with a sign company in Louisville, Colo. = "Teutonic efficiency has been jettisoned in favor of total chaos," he = complains. "The last time I had the misfortune of connecting in = Frankfurt there was only one open security station between terminals = and a mob of people spread out trying to squeeze into a single line. I = was reminded of the scene in 'The Killing Fields' where the horde of = people was trying to get into the French embassy."=20 =20 One redeeming quality: Say what you want about the airport, the train = connections into Frankfurt are excellent. That's something that can't = be said for a lot of American airports.=20 =20 4. Moscow Sheremetyevo (SVO). It's probably unfair to compare this = outdated, communist-era airport to anything in Western Europe. Then = again, no one ever accused me of being fair, at least when it comes to = my series of columns on airports (OK, to be perfectly honest, a lot of = you did agree with my previous selections). This facility really makes = the worst of the American airports seem not so bad. It is a crowded, = gloomy terminal in which your senses are assaulted by the odors of = unfiltered cigarette smoke. Want to catch a train into town? Not gonna = happen - try the bus, which will take you to a Metro station. But = that's before you stand in a half-hour long line at customs, and it = also assumes you can elude the cab drivers. "They're very aggressive," = says Steve Lyautey, an executive with a software company in Irving, = Texas. "And on the way back, when you're trying to unload at the curb, = it's a nightmare, because you have to deal with the luggage handlers."=20 =20 One redeeming quality: A new international terminal is reportedly in = the works. And not a moment too soon.=20 =20 5. Paris Charles De Gaulle (CDG). At first I thought the vitriolic = rants about the Paris airport - one traveler repeatedly referred to it = as "D'Gall" - had something to do with the recent anti-French sentiment = in the United States. But then I realized I was wrong. Charles De = Gaulle Airport really is awful. "It looks like it was created by an = architect on acid," says Ryan Jacob, a student from Madrid. "It loops = round and round and round, forcing you to walk up and down = crisscrossing escalators. When you finally find the way to the next = terminal - with no help from Parisians - you realize that you have to = take a 10-minute bus ride to get there." Sacre Bleu! Can't the = Parisians get a real airport? Apparently not. "De Gaulle is a pigsty = and a maze," concurs Robb Gordon, a traveler based in New York. (Since = New York is home to what I consider the three worst airports in the = United States, I take Rob's comments very seriously.) My impressions of = CDG aren't overly negative, which accounts for its low placement on my = list. But on my last visit, I do remember - you guessed it - the = lingering stench of cigarette smoke that saturated my clothes.=20 =20 One redeeming quality: Nothing comes to mind.=20 =20 Whoa now, hold off on those e-mails, fellow Francophiles, smokers and = anyone else who was offended by this list. I mean, on some level you = have to agree that these airports need a little work - even if you are = a chain smoker or have a thing for labyrinthine architecture. So = instead of flaming me because you disagree, why not do something = productive with your anger? Support efforts to modernize these horrible = airports.=20 =20 The rest of us should steer clear of these terminals if you can. If you = don't - well, don't say I didn't warn you.=20 =20 Christopher Elliott is the editor of Elliott's E-mail, a free weekly = newsletter for travelers, and the publisher of Triprights.com, a site = about travel rights. You can e-mail him or visit his Web site.=20 =20 http://www.bcentral.com/articles/elliott/153.asp