that's pretty damn funny! On Thu, Jan 22, 2004 at 04:30:24PM -0500, Ann Parsons wrote: > Hi all, > > I just saw this, thought it was a hoot and a half! I sure hope Larry > Baggett sees this one!! > > Ann P. > > Got this from a buddy, thought I'd share it with the group, enjoy: > > > Arrest at Kennedy Airport > > At New York*s Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a > high-school teacher from Public School 314, was arrested trying to board a > flight while in possession of a ruler, protractor, slide rule and > calculator. > > Attorney General John Ashcroft believes the man is an integral member of the > notorious Al-gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying Weapons of > Math Instruction. > > "Al-gebra is a very fearsome cult, indeed," Ashcroft said. "Although it is > estimated that only a small fraction of teachers are operators of Al-gebra, > their methods are not average, instead using any means or extremes, and even > sometimes going off on a tangent in a search of absolute value." > > Ashcroft added, "Al-gebra differentiate themselves by operating in a base > number of sets, that intersect and cross multiply out in a geometric > progression. The groups consist of almost imaginary radicals, with names > like X and Y, and although they are frequently referred to as *unknowns*, > their whole numbers actually belong to a common denominator and are part of > the axis of medieval, with coordinates in every country." > > Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge credits the arrest to the newly > created Patriot Act. Ridge said, "We*ve shown all our work, underlined our > solutions and would say that the probability is high that we receive > partial, if not full, credit for solving this particular question." > > However Ridge warns that there are no straight-line solutions to the problem > of Weapons of Math Instruction. "We need to derive a well calculated > methodology, that accounts for all the complex percentages and > uncertainties. We don't want to miss a step." > > The suspected leaders of Al-gebra are the elusive brothers Theor and Axi Om, > who are fractional followers of Fundamental Laws. The brothers are believed > to be hiding in a domain of null space. Secretary of Defense Donald > Rumsfeld has increased the number of divisions and radius of the search for > the radicals, but stated that, "Although we estimate that they are in range, > and are using a state-of-the-art detection device known as the Log-o-rhythm, > the volume of area to cover is almost infinite." > > Both political parties in the Senate have pledged equilateral support of the > initiative and have promised to cosine a bill allocating additional funding > for the program. > > However Green Party leader Ralph Nader has countered by saying, "There are > always three sides to every triangle. Sometimes it*s right, sometimes it*s > isosceles, and sometimes it*s Bermuda. The angles to this one are more > obtuse than complementary." > > When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush*s summation was, "I > don*t care what the UN says, if God had wanted us to have better weapons of > math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes. In the > comfounded interest of national security, I*m investigating the option of > military occupation of the public school system." > > -- > Ann K. Parsons > email: akp at eznet.net > WEB SITE: http://home.eznet.net/~akp > "All that is gold does not glitter. > Not all those who wander are lost." JRRT > > > _______________________________________________ > Speakup mailing list > Speakup at braille.uwo.ca > http://speech.braille.uwo.ca/mailman/listinfo/speakup -- Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
