Hi all, I just saw this, thought it was a hoot and a half! I sure hope Larry Baggett sees this one!! Ann P. Got this from a buddy, thought I'd share it with the group, enjoy: Arrest at Kennedy Airport At New York*s Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a high-school teacher from Public School 314, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, protractor, slide rule and calculator. Attorney General John Ashcroft believes the man is an integral member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying Weapons of Math Instruction. "Al-gebra is a very fearsome cult, indeed," Ashcroft said. "Although it is estimated that only a small fraction of teachers are operators of Al-gebra, their methods are not average, instead using any means or extremes, and even sometimes going off on a tangent in a search of absolute value." Ashcroft added, "Al-gebra differentiate themselves by operating in a base number of sets, that intersect and cross multiply out in a geometric progression. The groups consist of almost imaginary radicals, with names like X and Y, and although they are frequently referred to as *unknowns*, their whole numbers actually belong to a common denominator and are part of the axis of medieval, with coordinates in every country." Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge credits the arrest to the newly created Patriot Act. Ridge said, "We*ve shown all our work, underlined our solutions and would say that the probability is high that we receive partial, if not full, credit for solving this particular question." However Ridge warns that there are no straight-line solutions to the problem of Weapons of Math Instruction. "We need to derive a well calculated methodology, that accounts for all the complex percentages and uncertainties. We don't want to miss a step." The suspected leaders of Al-gebra are the elusive brothers Theor and Axi Om, who are fractional followers of Fundamental Laws. The brothers are believed to be hiding in a domain of null space. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld has increased the number of divisions and radius of the search for the radicals, but stated that, "Although we estimate that they are in range, and are using a state-of-the-art detection device known as the Log-o-rhythm, the volume of area to cover is almost infinite." Both political parties in the Senate have pledged equilateral support of the initiative and have promised to cosine a bill allocating additional funding for the program. However Green Party leader Ralph Nader has countered by saying, "There are always three sides to every triangle. Sometimes it*s right, sometimes it*s isosceles, and sometimes it*s Bermuda. The angles to this one are more obtuse than complementary." When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush*s summation was, "I don*t care what the UN says, if God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes. In the comfounded interest of national security, I*m investigating the option of military occupation of the public school system." -- Ann K. Parsons email: akp at eznet.net WEB SITE: http://home.eznet.net/~akp "All that is gold does not glitter. Not all those who wander are lost." JRRT
