Hi Stewart, Thank You for the review! Please see inline. > Summary: This is a well written document and I am sure it will serve its >target audience > well. However Genart reviews take the perspective of someone new to the >field, and > although I am sure it is probably correct and complete when taken >together with its > references the learning curve is perhaps a little steeper than it needs >to be due to the > extent of assumed knowledge. In the nits section of this review I make a >few simple > suggestions that I think would make it easier for the new reader. Thanks! :) ... Nits/editorial comments: > "in the XOR-RELAYED-ADDRESS attribute. " > >SB> As far as I can see this not yet been defined or a reference >SB> provided in the document. I will add a reference to RFC 5766. --- The table in Figure 8 illustrates an example. SB> There is something wierd going on here. SB> Figure 8 seems malformed possibly spread over a page break. I¹ll check that. --- > SB> You introduce Ta, but it would be so much kinder to the reader to > SB> give it a real name. Ta was defined in RFC 5245, and it's commonly used in ICE-related discussions, so I think it would cause confusion to change the name at this point. --- > SB> DSCP is not well known so needs to defined I will expand to "DiffServe Codepoint", and add a reference to RFC 2474, on first occurrence. --- SB> You introduce FINGERPRINT without a pointer to where it is defined I will add a reference to RFC 5389 on first occurrence. --- SB> The 487 error comes out of a hat without a pointer to where it is SB> defined It's defined in section 16.2. I can add a reference to that section on first occurrence. --- >SB> ICE-CONTROLLED comes out of the same hat without a >SB> pointer/definition, >same >with PRIORITY, MESSAGE-INTEGRITY, ALTERNATE-SERVER, XOR_MAPPED_ADDRESS, >USE->CANDIDATE, CHECK-LIST Some are defined in section 16.1. I will a reference to that section on first occurrence. Some are defined in RFC 5389 and RFC 5766. I will add references on first occurrence. ---- >Section 7.3.1.4, the agent sets the nominated flag of the pair to >SB> should that be nominated or NOMINATED? "nominated" --- >In section 8.3.1 it says: " The procedures in Section 8" which is true >but strangely self referencing The text actually references the text later in the section :) So, I suggest to remove the first sentence: "The procedures in Section 8 require that an ICE agent continue to listen for STUN requests and continue to generate triggered checks for a data stream, even once processing for that stream completes." --- >7.3.1.4. Triggered Checks > > Next, the agent constructs a pair.... > >SB> Next after what? and a pair of what? "candidate pair" I will fix it. --- >You say "Let HTO" again a user friendly name would be helpful to the new >reader The name was provided by transport people that provided text. As it¹s similar to RTO, I¹d like to keep it. --- >Appendix B is great, particularly from section B5 onwards. It would be >great to forward reference this to help the reader understand the >normative text earlier in the document. Any particular place where you would like to have the reference? In the Introduction? --- Regards, Christer