Reviewer: Stewart Bryant Review result: Ready with Nits I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed by the IESG for the IETF Chair. Please treat these comments just like any other last call comments. For more information, please see the FAQ at <https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>. Document: draft-ietf-ice-rfc5245bis-16 Reviewer: Stewart Bryant Review Date: 2018-01-25 IETF LC End Date: 2018-01-26 IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat Summary: This is a well written document and I am sure it will serve its target audience well. However Genart reviews take the perspective of someone new to the field, and although I am sure it is probably correct and complete when taken together with its references the learning curve is perhaps a little steeper than it needs to be due to the extent of assumed knowledge. In the nits section of this review I make a few simple suggestions that I think would make it easier for the new reader. Major issues: None Minor issues: None Nits/editorial comments: "in the XOR-RELAYED-ADDRESS attribute. " SB> As far as I can see this not yet been defined or a reference provided in the document. The table in Figure 8 illustrates an example. SB> There is something wierd going on here. SB> Figure 8 seems malformed possibly spread over a page break. SB> You introduce Ta, but it would be so much kinder to the reader to give it a real name. SB> DSCP is not well known so needs to defined SB> You introduce FINGERPRINT without a pointer to where it is defined SB> The 487 error comes out of a hat without a pointer to where it is defined SB> ICE-CONTROLLED comes out of the same hat without a pointer/definition, same with PRIORITY, MESSAGE-INTEGRITY, ALTERNATE-SERVER, XOR_MAPPED_ADDRESS, USE-CANDIDATE, CHECK-LIST Section 7.3.1.4, the agent sets the nominated flag of the pair to SB> should that be nominated or NOMINATED? In section 8.3.1 it says: " The procedures in Section 8" which is true but strangely self referencing 7.3.1.4. Triggered Checks Next, the agent constructs a pair.... SB> Next after what? and a pair of what? You say "Let HTO" again a user friendly name would be helpful to the new reader Appendix B is great, particularly from section B5 onwards. It would be great to forward reference this to help the reader understand the normative text earlier in the document.
