Re: Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-6man-udpchecksums-06

[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next][Date Index][Thread Index]

 



Hi Peter,

Thanks for your detailed review. An updated version has just been
submitted the includes fixes to your comments.

Thanks

Magnus

On 2012-12-26 12:05, Peter Yee wrote:
> I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on
> Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at
> <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>
> 
> Please wait for direction from your document shepherd or AD before posting a
> new version of the draft.
> 
> Document: draft-ietf-6man-udpchecksums-06
> Reviewer: Peter Yee
> Review Date: Dec-25-2012
> IETF LC End Date: Dec-25-2012
> IESG Telechat date: Unknown
> 
> Summary: This draft is basically ready for publication, but has nits that
> should be fixed before publication. [Ready with nits.]
> 
> This document provides an update to 2460 to allow the use of zero checksum
> UDP packets over IPv6 in certain
> cases involving protocols tunneled inside of UDP packets.
> 
> Nits:
> 
> General: a comma after "i.e." is preferred in American English.
> 
> General: it is not necessary to hyphenate "misdelivered" or "misdelivery".
> 
> General: put quotes around "Applicability Statement for the use of IPv6 UDP
> Datagrams with Zero  Checksums"
> 
> Abstract, first sentence: "when" -> "where"
> 
> Abstract, second sentence: "protocol" -> "protocols"
> 
> Section 1, second paragraph, first sentence: delete the comma after
> "packet".
> 
> Section 1, fourth paragraph, first sentence: move the comma in "AMT," to
> after the reference.
> 
> Section 1, fourth paragraph, last sentence: insert "the" after "applicable
> in".
> 
> Section 3, second sentence: delete the first occurrence of "where".
> Consider revising the sentence for clarity.
> 
> Section 4, second sentence: "Section" -> "Sections"
> 
> Section 4.1, it would be nice, but not necessary to have an enumeration of
> the corruption modes.  
> 
> Section 4.1, third bullet item, first sentence: a verb is missing here
> making the sentence difficult to parse.
> 
> Section 4.1, third bullet item, first sentence: "packets" -> "packet"
> 
> Section 4.1, third bullet item, third sub-bullet: put commas around "for
> example".
> 
> Section 4.2, first bullet item, last sentence: this sentence is hard to
> understand; consider revising.  (See next comment)
> 
> Section 4.2, first bullet item, last sentence: "an" -> "a" and "are" ->
> "is"; also not general comment about "misdelivered".
> 
> Section 4.2, third bullet item, third sentence: "effect" -> "affect"
> 
> Section 4.2, first paragraph after bullet items, first sentence: delete
> "this".
> 
> Section 4.2, first paragraph after bullet items, third sentence:
> "mis-delievery" -> "misdelivery".
> 
> Section 4.2, first paragraph after bullet items, third sentence: delete
> "that".
> 
> Section 4.3, first sentence: "middlebox devices" -> "middleboxes" unless
> this a specific usage from I-D.ietf-6man-udpzero.
> 
> Section 4.3, second sentence: "needs" -> "need"
> 
> Section 5, first paragraph, second sentence: insert "in" after "node
> requirements".
> 
> Section 5, first paragraph of replacement text, second sentence: delete
> "usage for", replace "some" with "certain", and replace second "protocols"
> with "those".
> 
> Section 5, last paragraph: delete first instance of "the".
> 
> Section 6, first bullet item, first sentence: "corruptions" -> "corruption"
> 
> Section 6, second bullet item, last sentence: change "This" to "UDP-Lite".
> 
> Section 8, first sentence: delete redundant "required".
> 
> 


-- 

Magnus Westerlund

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Multimedia Technologies, Ericsson Research EAB/TVM
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ericsson AB                | Phone  +46 10 7148287
Färögatan 6                | Mobile +46 73 0949079
SE-164 80 Stockholm, Sweden| mailto: magnus.westerlund@xxxxxxxxxxxx
----------------------------------------------------------------------



[Index of Archives]     [IETF Annoucements]     [IETF]     [IP Storage]     [Yosemite News]     [Linux SCTP]     [Linux Newbies]     [Fedora Users]