Hi Peter, Thank you for your review. Responses to your comments are inline below. Ben
Capitalization varies throughout the document. Sometimes telemetry is capitalized. Other times it is not, and I’m not talking about in the names of objects. I’d suggest lower case would be sensible unless telemetry is a very specific term when used in the CDNI context. A search of RFCs 8006 and 8008 don’t show this to be the case. The word “object” when used in the context of an object name is inconsistently capitalized, outside of title case in section headers. Choose one capitalization for the word and use it consistently.
This should be resolved in revision 07. The term is capitalized when used in the context of an object name, in accordance with the specified identifier, and lower case when used in explanatory language without reference to a specific object.
In at least the text version, the header cuts off the name of the document after the “E” in “Extensions”. I don’t know if there’s anything you can do about that, however.
I don't know of a way to resolve this. If someone else knows how to fix this, I will make the required edits.
Page 1, Abstract, 1st paragraph: expand the initialism “CDNI” as this is its first use. Also do so for “uCDN” and “dCDN”. The reason is that the abstract will be made available separately from the document body, so there’s no opportunity to search in the body for the meaning of these acronyms.
This is resolved in revision 07.
Page 1, Abstract, 2nd paragraph: expand the initialism “FCI” for the same reason.
This is resolved in revision 07.
Page 4, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: insert “that” before “may”.
This is resolved in revision 07.
Page 4, 4th paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “long lived” to “long-lived”.
This is resolved in revision 07.
Page 5, 1st paragraph, last sentence: change “dCDN provided” to “dCDN-provided”.
This is resolved in revision 07.
Page 6, section 2.1.1.1, 2nd sentence: change “to allow for to reference a to another” to “to allow for referencing another” or “to allow for reference to another”.
This is resolved in revision 07.
Page 7, Table 1, Description: change “datasources” to “data sources”.
This is resolved in revision 07.
Page 7, “time-granularity” description, 2nd sentence: change “e.g.” to “E.g.”.
This is resolved in revision 07. The description was reworded to remove use of "e.g.".
Page 10, “current” description, last sentence: the reference for Telemetry Source Object would seem to be section 2.1.1, not section 2.2.1.2. And place the word “section” and whatever section number you decide upon inside parentheses.
This is resolved in revision 07.
Page 11, section 2.2.1.2, “metric” description: change “an” to “a” before “Telemetry Capability”.
This is resolved in revision 07.
Page 13, section 3.1.2, Purpose: delete “a” before “utilization”.
This is resolved in revision 07.
Page 15, Authors’ Addresses: in the text version, the state is separated from the city for some reason. In all other versions, there’s an excess space after the city name but before the comma before the state abbreviation. I do not know if there’s anything you can do to correct this as I do know the cause of the disparate output forms.
I don't know if there's anything we can do to fix this. The text version is derived from the XML source.
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