Re: [Last-Call] Genart last call review of draft-ietf-detnet-oam-framework-09

[Greg Mirsky <gregimirsky@xxxxxxxxx>]

Hi Mallory,

I've uploaded a new version that includes all the updates addressing your comments:

Name:     draft-ietf-detnet-oam-framework
Revision: 10
Title:    Framework of Operations, Administration and Maintenance (OAM) for Deterministic Networking (DetNet)
Date:     2023-12-27
Group:    detnet
Pages:    16
URL:      https://www.ietf.org/archive/id/draft-ietf-detnet-oam-framework-10.txt
Status:   https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-detnet-oam-framework/
HTML:     https://www.ietf.org/archive/id/draft-ietf-detnet-oam-framework-10.html
HTMLized: https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/html/draft-ietf-detnet-oam-framework
Diff:     https://author-tools.ietf.org/iddiff?url2=draft-ietf-detnet-oam-framework-10

Thank you for your help in improving the document.

Regards,

Greg

On Tue, Dec 19, 2023 at 3:22 PM Greg Mirsky <gregimirsky@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:

Hi Mallory,

thank you for the review and your thoughtful comments that helped improve the draft. Please find my notes below tagged GIM>>. Attached, is the updated working version that includes changes addressing your comments.

Regards,

Greg

On Mon, Dec 18, 2023 at 12:58 PM Mallory Knodel via Datatracker <noreply@xxxxxxxx> wrote:

Reviewer: Mallory Knodel
Review result: Ready with Nits

I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area
Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed
by the IESG for the IETF Chair.  Please treat these comments just
like any other last call comments.

For more information, please see the FAQ at

<https://wiki.ietf.org/en/group/gen/GenArtFAQ>.

Document: draft-ietf-detnet-oam-framework-??
Reviewer: Mallory Knodel
Review Date: 2023-12-18
IETF LC End Date: 2023-12-19
IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat

Summary: The document summarizes the OAM requirements of DetNet networks. The
document provides a good background of the necessary OAM components and
presents the requirements of the OAM solutions.

Major issues:
 * Figure should be svg because on a device that rewraps the text this will get
 (is already) totally messed up on smaller screens.

GIM>> I'll gladly convert from ASCII-art to a friendlier format. Could you help me to find a reference to the process?

* Suggest a privacy
 considerations section that at least references the text in rfc9055, or
 perhaps elaborates on it given the OAM provides a lot of signals.

GIM>> Thank you for the suggestion. Please consider the following:

NEW TEXT:

9.  Privacy Considerations

   Privacy considerations of DetNet discussed in Section 13 of [RFC9055]

   are also applicable to DetNet OAM.  If any privacy mechanism is used

   for the monitored DetNet flow, then the same privacy method MUST be

   applied to the active DetNet OAM used to monitor the flow. 

Minor issues:
 * It seems to me that there is no meaningful difference between definitions
 and terminology so perhaps just collapse these two sections, or provide some
 other compelling reason to present them separately to the reader.

GIM>> Thank you for pointing this out to me. I think that the "Terminology" is not reflective of the content. Perhaps s/Terminology/Abbreviations/ is more suitable? 

* This is a
 general review and I am not an expert so take this for what it's worth, but I
 am unclear on why there would be so many MUSTs for monitoring requirements and
 perhaps they should be should?

GIM>> Thank you for a great question! In my opinion, a normative recommendation might be the source of interoperability concerns for cases when an implementation doesn't support the recommended behavior. Also, more options usually result in a more complex implementation. DetNet WG discussed the requirements for DetNet OAM and has agreed with the normative language used.

Nits/editorial comments:

 * 5. Are the paragraph indents intended to be bulleted or numbered?

GIM>> Thank you for catching it. For the sake of consistency, I switched to the default bullet, i.e., '*'.

 * 6.1 and 6.2 subtitles can remove "Requirements on OAM for DetNet" as they
 are redundant

GIM>> Agreed. Please check the attached working version. 

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