http://www.canada.com/topics/travel/story.html?id=3Df42adcd6-3563-4bd4-a060= -42780b9b6934 Monday September 1 2008 =20 Airlines, listen up. Give families a break Christopher Noxon Reuters BEIJING - Please excuse me. Really, I couldn't be sorrier. That knocking on the back of your seat? The chewing gum smeared on your tra= y table? The whining and screeching and crying - the incessant, high-decibe= l weeping? All my fault. I am the airline passenger you dread most of all, more even than the religi= ous fanatic or flatulent fat guy. I am the passenger accompanying small chi= ldren. I'll also take the blame for the soggy Sun Chip that landed on your cashmer= e sweater during beverage service and the little sourpuss two rows up that'= s been staring at you since takeoff. I feel your pain. I agree wholeheartedly that children and air travel don't= mix - they bring out the worst in both. With kids on board, leisurely, med= itative trips become chaotic, emotional ordeals. Likewise, sweet and docile children become spastic hellions upon boarding a= commercial airliner. And it's only getting worse. As rising fuel costs and increased competition prompts airlines to cut back= on little 'non-essential amenities' like legroom, food and courtesy, the k= ids are getting crankier. We grown-ups may gripe and moan scrunched into a middle seat for six hours = with nothing to sustain us but a Sandra Bullock movie and a bag of peanuts,= but kids aren't so easily pacified. They won't stand for it. They act out. And so they make everyone around them miserable. You, my fellow passengers arrive at our destination angry about Kids Today = and the parents who let them run riot. Meanwhile we parents are exhausted a= nd embarrassed. Add beleaguered airline staff to the mix and nightmare scenarios ensue. Last summer on a Continental Express flight in Houston, flight attendants o= bjected when a 19-month-old boy "started saying 'Bye, bye plane' over and o= ver," according to reports. "You need to shut your baby up," the flight att= endant reportedly told the mother, before adding: "It's called Benadryl." A big controversy followed, with critics raising a stink about a flight att= endant who would dare suggest doping a child. While the stewardess sounded = tactless, I can't say I entirely disagree with her sentiment. Let's just say that my 2-year-old always seems badly congested just before = takeoff. Benadryl has been one source of relief during a marathon of family= travel this month, flying with three kids under the age of eight across th= e United States before taking a quick round-trip jaunt from Los Angeles to = Denmark. But I do find myself wondering. After all, families represent a sizable por= tion of air passengers. We may be a nuisance, but we're also a goldmine. We shell out for family vacations, family automobiles, family restaurants -= - so where's our kid-friendly airline? Rumors have circulated for years about Disney Air or some startup devoted t= o families, but the closest we've come is Family Airlines, an upstart outfi= t based in Las Vegas that submitted an application to fly with the US gover= nment earlier this year. Their plans are sketchy so far, but they're definitely on to something. Let= solo travelers fly in plush recliners and Zen-like quiet - bunch us famili= es together in mutual chaos, wherein the only people we can annoy are our o= wn kind. Ideally, the planes will be painted in garish SpongeBob yellow and vivid Pr= incess pink (ancillary revenue: kid branding product placement!). On board,= swashbuckling pirate pilots and plush costumed stewardesses offer headsets= , juice and balloon. It's easy to image the rest: TV monitors and video games at every seat and = bubble machines spurting forth at takeoff. Turbulence could be known as "wacky bumpy time," complete with dramatic sou= nd effects and music and passengers could do the wave up and down the cabin= and bounce beach balls between rows. And while we're at it, let's steal an idea from the old movie palaces and i= nclude a "crying room." That way bawling infants and weary parents could hu= ddle together and save the rest of the passengers the racket. Sure, much of this is probably impractical. When airplane bathrooms are no = bigger than a broom closet, crying rooms are probably out of the question. But on behalf of unruly family travelers everywhere and the innocent bystan= ders who can't stand them, the airline industry should get creative and sto= p ignoring our pain. Instead, capitalize on it. Forget the in-flight wi-fi -- where's our in-fli= ght bouncy castle? (Christopher Noxon is a freelance writer. Any opinion in the column are sol= ely those of Mr. Noxon. You can e-mail him at cnoxon@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx) =A9 Reuters 2008 Copyright =A9 2008 CanWest Interactive, a division of CanWest MediaWorks Pu= blications, Inc.. All rights reserved. CanWest Interactive, a division of CanWest MediaWorks Publications, Inc.. A= ll rights reserved. =0A=0A=0A <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> If you wish to unsubscribe from the AIRLINE List, please send an E-mail to: "listserv@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx". Within the body of the text, only write the following:"SIGNOFF AIRLINE".