MEMO THE EARLY RETIREMENT SCHEME FOR PILOTS Due to financial situation that our airline finds itself in after the tragic events of 9/11, the management has decided to implement a scheme to put all pilots over 50 on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Airline Pilots Early). Pilots selected to be RAPED can apply to the management to be eligible for the SHAFT (Special Help AFTer retirement). Pilots who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (SCheme for Retired Early Workers). Pilots may be RAPED only once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as management deems appropriate. Pilots who have been raped can apply to get AIDS (Aircrew Income for Dependants or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Pilots on Early Severance). Obviously pilots who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SCREWED any further by management. Pilots staying on will receive as much **** (Simulator High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of **** it gives its crews. Should you feel that you do not receive enough **** please bring it to the attention of the Chief Pilot. He has been trained to give you all the **** you can handle. Thank you and Happy Landings. Kind regards, Management BAHA ACUNER Enterprise Planning and Data Management Team Ph: (253) 924-4904 Fax: (253) 924-7763 "When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return." -- Leonardo da Vinci