But I do have access to the STATEMENT right?> No, see:
>
> https://www.postgresql.org/docs/10/static/sql- createtrigger.html
>
> AFTER trigger on views are STATEMENT level only.
Yes, except nothing in the system actually attempts to directly target information_schema views with updates so there will never be a triggering event.
A normal trigger will not work - which is a large reason why event triggers were implemented.
All of the alternative ideas (which I think was just log file parsing) you've decided are not viable for your need. Thus you've seemingly eliminated all viable options and you now need to make a business decision.
David J.
p.s. Please remove the excess quoted material before hitting send. At minimum anything after the last text that you write.
