Josef Assad wrote: > -----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE----- > Hash: SHA1 > > Greg KH wrote: >> On Thu, Oct 25, 2007 at 08:41:06AM +0200, Josef Assad wrote: >>> Greg KH wrote: >> Ok, looks good, I've made a number of edits, feel free to ignore them if >> you wish :) > > Good. So, here's where we are: > > - - Greg, you edited on the wiki > - - Roel, I tried very hard to reconcile your edit with the drafted one; > mind looking to see if you like it more? Again, have at it with a > butcher knife if anything doesn't look right :) Hah, you afraid already? Actually, I don't know exactly who the audience is for this two-pager, but after reading it, I thought it was meant for companies developing hardware not yet supported in Linux. So I was thinking, who is going to receive this mail and will he/she understand what this is about? Will it be clear that this is a beneficial deal? The answer to my first question, I thought was probably a secretary, because they usually receive and sort mail. They may receive lots of adds, and try to separate it from important mail. We are making an offer that they can't refuse. We are offering quality development of drivers *for free*. Better make that message clear immediately and not confuse or tire the reader or it will be thrown away - before the message is understood. Maybe you want to express this in the title, instead of the 'out of excuses' - which in my opinion is a bit too aggressive. How about 'An offer you can't refuse'. We are not trying to sell Linux here. If that's the thought the secretary will get, then he/she may judge incorrectly that it is not worth the bother to read. We are offering driver development by a team of expert kernel people without charge. The pictures and layout do the first trick: attract the reader, to get them to read. I like your layout. The pictures are nice and I like the subtle border around the text. Pictures can say many words and additionally attribute to the attractiveness. The key is a nice eye catcher. Maybe a 'supercomputer' running Linux? My experience is that people are lazy, don't want to read lots of text. People usually read only the first few lines - if it looks promising enough. A little text is a little effort, and will be read more probably. Make it look clear, space is good. I do like the two columns. Your text has improved a lot since your first version, I do only have a few remarks. first line: 'a growing share on', not 'share of'? I may be incorrect, English is not my native language. skip the 'already' in the second line (the first line got one already) Fourth alinea: replace 'beginning decisions' by 'early' or 'initial decisions' 2nd alinea after 'From kick-off to development' centuries of experience is too obviously an exaggeration (Linux only exists a few decades) make that decades. 3rd replace 'developer resources' by 'developers', the Project -> lowercase. vendor's-> vendors' make it this sentence (punctuation improvement): On the hardware vendors' side, your designated contact person provides the required background information: the device specifications and documentation - sufficient for the development of fully functional device drivers. This is going to be their major issue btw: companies may not have elaborate documentation. therefore I added the 'sufficient' to show that it doesn't have to be perfect, rather workable. I think it's going in the right direction, but some sentences are still a bit long, try be to the point where possible. Maybe you want to alter some of the titles Hope it helps :) Roel
