Dear Peter, Thanks very much for the detailed comments. We have updated the draft and will make a new submission soon. cheers Jiazi > On 5 May 2017, at 05:34, Peter Yee <peter@xxxxxxxxxx> wrote: > > Reviewer: Peter Yee > Review result: Ready with Nits > > I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area > Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed > by the IESG for the IETF Chair. Please treat these comments just > like any other last call comments. > > For more information, please see the FAQ at > > <https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>. > > Document: draft-ietf-manet-olsrv2-multipath-12 > Reviewer: Peter Yee > Review Date: 2017-05-04 > IETF LC End Date: 2017-05-04 > IESG Telechat date: 2017-05-11 > > Summary: This Experimental draft is ready with nits. The draft > specifies an interoperable, multipath extension to OLSRv2. Other than > the nits, I find the draft to be a fine experiment to help determine > how well OLSRv2 can be improved by allowing multiple, disjoint paths > between nodes. > > Major issues: None > > Minor issues: None > > Nits/editorial comments: > > General: > > I'd suggesting changing occurrences of "multi-path" to "multipath" for > consistency with prior works, including the primary work by the same > authors [ADHOC11]. > > Consider changing "Multi-path Dijkstra Algorithm" to "multipath > Dijkstra's algorithm". In any case, use the name consistently - it > varies throughout the document. > > Change "Round-Robin" (and variations in capitalization) to > "round-robin" throughout the document. > > Stick to one capitalization form for "MP-OLSRv2 Routing Process". > > Section 10 was not reviewed because it contains RFC Editor > instructions to delete it. > > Specific: > > Page 3, section 1, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: append a comma after > "reliability". > > Page 3, section 1, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: delete the leading > "The". Insert "the "before "Multi-path Dijkstra". [See general > comment about hyphenating multi-path]. > > Page, section 1.1, 4th bullet item: delete the second "the". > > Page 4, 1st full paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "Standard" to > "Standards". Delete comma after "Track". > > Page 4, 2nd bullet item, 3rd sentence: change "setting" to "applying". > (This is an aesthetics comment - take it or leave it.) > > Page 4, 4th bullet item, 3rd sentence: expand acronym "MPR" on first > usage and in general do so for all acronyms that would not be > immediately obvious to a large audience. > > Page 4, 5th bullet item, 4th sentence: delete "the" before "loose". > > Page 4, 6th bullet, 3rd sentence: append "parts" after "following". > > Page 6, section 3, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete both commas. > > Page 6, section 3, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete "the" before > "information". Insert "a" before "DiffServ". Change "Code Point" to > codepoint. [RFC 2474 only refers to these a "Code Point" in specific > names, but otherwise uses the generic form "codepoint". > > Page 6, section 3, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: insert "a" before > "new". > > Page 6, section 3, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert "the" before > "loose". > > Page 7, section 4, 3rd bullet item: insert "the" before "shortest". > > Page 8, partial paragraph at top: change "as" to "using the". > > Page 8, section 5.1, SR_TC_INTERVAL definition: change "a" to "an". > > Page 8, section 5.1, SR_HOLD_TIME_MULTIPLIER definition: change > "minimal" to "minimum". Change "a" to "an" unless that acronym is > spoken like a word and not spelled out. > > Page 8, section 6, 2nd sentence: delete comma after "datagram". > > Page 9, section 6.1, 1st sentence: insert "the" before "MP-OLSRv2". > > Page 9, section 6.1.1, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: change > "signalling" to "signaling". [Other words in the document tend to > suggest that the American spellings are being used rather than British > forms.] > > Page 9, section 6.2.1, 1st sentence: insert "the" before "loose". > > Page 10, section 7.1, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete the comma. > Insert "the" before each of "MP-OLSRv2" and "OLSRv2". > > Page 11, section 8, 2nd sentence: insert "the" before "topology". > > Page 11, section 8, 3rd sentence: change "between" to "from the". > > Page 11, section 8.1, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "the" before > "SR_TC_INTERVAL". > > Page 11, section 8.1, 2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence: delete "The". > > Page 11, section 8.1, 2nd paragraph, 5th sentence: insert "the" before > "SOURCE_ROUTE TLV". > > Page 12, section 8.3, 1st bullet item: change "possiblity" to > "possibility". > > Page 12, section 8.3, 2nd bullet item, 2nd sentence: perhaps change > "Or else" to "Otherwise". > > Page 12, section 8.4, 1st paragraph: insert "a" before "DiffServ". > Change "Code Point" to "codepoint". > > Page 13, 1st paragraph, last sentence: insert "the" before "OLSRv2". > > Page 13, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "the" before "format". > > Page 13, the paragraph: insert "the" before "following". > > Page 13, last paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "the" before "outer" and > "source". > > Page 14, section 8.5.1, 1st paragraph after the 1st set of bullet > items: insert "the" before "SR-OLSRv2". > > Page 14, section 8.5.1, 2nd paragraph after the 1st set of bullet > items, 3rd sentence: insert "the" before "OLSRv2". > > Page 14, section 8.5.1, 2nd paragraph after the 1st set of bullet > items, 4th sentence: change "much" to "many". > > Page 14, section 8.5.1, 3rd paragraph after the 1st set of bullet > items: shouldn't this be up to "NUMBER_OF_PATHS" rather than always > "NUMBER_OF_PATHS" paths that are created? Meaning that it's possible > the algorithm will not have sufficient disjoint paths to choose from > in some (probably degenerate) cases? Delete the second comma in the > sentence. > > Page 14, section 8.5.1, 2nd set of bullet items, 2nd bullet item, 1st > sentence: change "A" to "An". > > Page 14, section 8.5.1, 2nd set of bullet items, 2nd bullet item, 2nd > sentence: insert "the" before "Multi-path". > > Page 14, section 8.5.2, 1st sentence: insert "the" before > "Multi-path". > > Page 15, 1st full paragraph, 1st sentence: change the second > occurrence of "Dijkstra" to "Dijkstra's". > > Page 15, 2nd bullet item, 2nd sentence: change "is" to "does". > > Page 15, 1st paragraph after bullet items, 3rd sentence: change > "vetex" to "vertex". > > Page 15, 1st paragraph after figure, 2nd sentence: change "of" to > "for". > > Page 16, 1st sentence: change "Dijkstra" to "Dijkstra's". > > Page 16, 1st paragraph after numbered list: insert "the" before > "Multi-path". > > Page 16, section 8.6, 1st paragraph, last sentence: insert "whether" > before "the set". > > Page 16, section 9, 1st sentence: change "guideline" to "guidelines". > > Page 16, section 9, 2nd sentence: delete the comma after "certain". > > Page 17, "if id<fe<fp" bullet item: would it make more sense to use "a > greater" instead of "more"? > > Page 19, section 11, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: change "Process" to > "Processes". > > Page 19, section 11, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete "be". > > Page 19, section 11, 3rd paragraph: append "with" after "As". > > Page 19, section 11, 4th paragraph, 1st sentence: insert "The" before > "MP-OLSRv2". > > Page 19, section 11, 4th paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "the" before > "source". > > Page 20, 1st paragraph, 4th sentence: should "ancient" be "the > oldest"? > > Page 20, 1st paragraph, 5th sentence: delete comma after "that". > Insert "a" before "large". Maybe change "initiates" to "sends". > Delete the comma after "which". > > Page 24, 1st paragraph after Figure 2, 1st sentence: insert "the" > before "name". Change "name" to "names". > > Page 24, 1st paragraph after Figure 2, 2nd sentence: change > "parenthesis" to "parentheses". > > Page 24, 3rd paragraph after Figure 2, 3rd sentence: while I > understand "punishment", that term hasn't been used previously and > might be confusing. A variant occurs elsewhere in the document. > Consider explaining what you mean by punishment. > > Page 24, 2nd paragraph after Figure 3, 1st sentence: change "path" to > "paths". Append "in order" after "paths". > > Page 24, 3rd paragraph after Figure 3, 2nd sentence: change > "undesired" to "undesirable". > > _______________________________________________ > manet mailing list > manet@xxxxxxxx > https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/manet