Hi, Christer.
Thanks for the rapid response.
That's all fine. Re s4, para 2: First, i realised I missed another instance of 'new' in the abstract. I think that 'the' is correct in the new [sic] version in both places. It's pernickety but when it was 'a new' what you have is shorthand for "a new protocol identifier to be called 'TCP/TLS'..." (an addition to the existng list) whereas because the identifier is no longer new we now have "the protocol identifier [named] 'TCP/TLS'...".
Cheers,
Elwyn
Sent from Samsung tablet.
-------- Original message --------
From: Christer Holmberg <christer.holmberg@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: 25/01/2017 13:40 (GMT+00:00)
To: Elwyn Davies <elwynd@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>, gen-art@xxxxxxxx
Cc: draft-ietf-mmusic-4572-update.all@xxxxxxxx, ietf@xxxxxxxx, mmusic@xxxxxxxx
Subject: Re: Review of draft-ietf-mmusic-4572-update-11
Thanks for your review! See inline.
Nits/editorial comments:
>s1, para 2: s/TLS protocol/The TLS protocol/ (as per RFC 4572)
I will fix as suggested.
>s4, para 2: s/a new protocol identifier/the protocol identifier/ (it
>isn't new any more)
I am happy to remove ³new², but doesn¹t ³a² still sound better than ³the²?
>s5.1: Suggest s/m- line/"m" line/ for consistency with s3.4
I will replace with single quotes (Œm¹), for consistency with s3.4 and s4.
>s5.1, para 1: s/e.g./e.g.,/
I will fix as suggested.
>s5.1, para 4: s/that each used certificate matches/that each
>certificate used matches/
I will fix as suggested.
>s5.1, para 5: s/each used certificate matches/each certificate used
>matches/
I will fix as suggested.
>s8, para 5: ' This specification creates a new IANA registry named
>"Hash Function Textual Names".'
>The registry is no longer new. Perhaps s/creates a new IANA
>registry/takes over the IANA registry from RFC 4572/
I suggest:
"This specification takes over the IANA registry named "Hash Function
Textual Names², that was created in RFC 4572. It will not be part of
the SDP Parameters.²
Regards,
Christer