Reviewer: Lars Eggert Review result: Ready with Nits # genart-lc review of draft-ietf-teas-5g-ns-ip-mpls-14 CC @larseggert I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed by the IESG for the IETF Chair. Please treat these comments just like any other last call comments. For more information, please see the [FAQ](https://wiki.ietf.org/group/gen/GenArtFAQ). Document: draft-ietf-teas-5g-ns-ip-mpls-?? Reviewer: Lars Eggert Review Date: 2025-01-21 IETF LC End Date: 2025-01-21 IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat ## Comments ### "TEAS", paragraph 1 Given the importance of the figure in this I-D, it'd be nice if they weren't just ASCII art. Maybe try https://github.com/martinthomson/aasvg to upconvert them? ### "TEAS", paragraph 1 ``` A Realization of Network Slices for 5G Networks Using Current IP/MPLS Technologies draft-ietf-teas-5g-ns-ip-mpls-14 ``` "Current" in the title of the doc won't age well, and doesn't actually convey any information. Remove? ### Section 11, paragraph 0 ``` 11. Security Considerations ``` This document describes a LOT of different schemes and approaches. I can't believe that only Section 4.2 warrants special discussion in this section? (This is probably my main question mark about this I-D.) ### Section 12.2, paragraph 52 ``` [_5G-Book] Peterson, L., Sunay, O., and B. Davie, "5G Mobile Networks: A Systems Approach", 2022, <https://5g.systemsapproach.org/>. ``` Remove underscore from tag? ## Nits All comments below are about very minor potential issues that you may choose to address in some way - or ignore - as you see fit. Some were flagged by automated tools (via https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool), so there will likely be some false positives. There is no need to let me know what you did with these suggestions. ### Typos #### Section 5.2.1.1, paragraph 16 ``` - Figure 20: Ingress Slice Admission Control (5QI-unware Model) + Figure 20: Ingress Slice Admission Control (5QI-unaware Model) + + ``` #### Section 5.2.2, paragraph 11 ``` - In the 5QI-aware model, compared to the 5QI-unware model, provider + In the 5QI-aware model, compared to the 5QI-unaware model, provider + + ``` #### Section 5.2.2.1, paragraph 1 ``` - Compared to the 5QI-unware model, admission control (traffic + Compared to the 5QI-unaware model, admission control (traffic + + ``` #### Section 6.1, paragraph 1 ``` - As discussed in Section 5.2.1, in the 5QI-unware model, the provider + As discussed in Section 5.2.1, in the 5QI-unaware model, the provider + + ``` ### Outdated references Document references `draft-ietf-opsawg-ntw-attachment-circuit-14`, but `-15` is the latest available revision. Document references `draft-ietf-opsawg-teas-attachment-circuit-18`, but `-19` is the latest available revision. ### URLs These URLs in the document can probably be converted to HTTPS: * http://lmcontreras.com/ * http://www.cpri.info/downloads/eCPRI_v_2.0_2019_05_10c.pdf ### Grammar/style #### Section 3.3.5, paragraph 1 ``` tion of the TN is split into two sub-domains in conformance with the referenc ^^^^^^^^^^^ ``` This word is normally spelled as one. #### Section 4.2, paragraph 4 ``` could be, for example, either on the compute that hosts mobile NFs (Figure 15 ^^^^^^^^^^^ ``` The verb "compute" does not usually follow articles like "the". Check that "compute" is spelled correctly; using "compute" as a noun may be non-standard. #### Section 4.2, paragraph 5 ``` that hosts mobile NFs (Figure 15, left hand side) or within the DC/cloud infr ^^^^^^^^^ ``` Did you mean the adjective "left-hand"? #### Section 4.2, paragraph 6 ``` ithin cloud IP fabric (Figure 15, right hand side)). On the AC connected to a ^^^^^^^^^^ ``` Did you mean the adjective "right-hand"? #### Section 4.3.2, paragraph 2 ``` d in details in Section 3.7, the PE need to determine which label in the pac ^^^^ ``` "PE" is a singular noun. It appears that the verb form is incorrect. #### Section 4.3.2, paragraph 5 ``` hat differentiated treatment can implemented in the provider network as well ^^^^^^^^^^^ ``` The modal verb "can" requires the verb's base form. #### Section 4.3.3, paragraph 4 ``` n the provider network. With a small number of deployed 5G slices (for examp ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ``` Specify a number, remove phrase, use "a few", or use "some". #### Section 7.1, paragraph 7 ``` That provider may decide to move to a N-to-1 mapping for aggregation/scalab ^ ``` Use "an" instead of "a" if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. "an article", "an hour". #### Section 11, paragraph 13 ``` b::300:3/128 o Tunnel (IPsec, GTP-U, etc) termination point * SDP Figure 32: ^^^ ``` In American English, abbreviations like "etc." require a period. ## Notes This review is in the ["IETF Comments" Markdown format][ICMF]. You can use the [`ietf-comments` tool][ICT] to automatically convert this review into individual GitHub issues. Review generated by the [`ietf-reviewtool`][IRT]. [ICMF]: https://github.com/mnot/ietf-comments/blob/main/format.md [ICT]: https://github.com/mnot/ietf-comments [IRT]: https://github.com/larseggert/ietf-reviewtool -- last-call mailing list -- last-call@xxxxxxxx To unsubscribe send an email to last-call-leave@xxxxxxxx
