Hi Peter,
stateful DHCPv6 address assignment: in both cases, the IPv6 addresses
are determined by the server, either because the server assigns a
full 128-bit address in a shared prefix, or because the server
determines what prefix is delegated to the client."
Thank you for such a detailed review.
I'm still struggling with fixing the drawing, so I'm going to spend more time on it.
All other comments have been addressed (well, will be as soon as we submit -08), except for this one:
> Page 14, section 13, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: append a comma after “threat”.
In my rendered version that sentence is:
"The privacy implications of
this are equivalent to the privacy implications of networks usingstateful DHCPv6 address assignment: in both cases, the IPv6 addresses
are determined by the server, either because the server assigns a
full 128-bit address in a shared prefix, or because the server
determines what prefix is delegated to the client."
and doesn't contain "threat" at all - actually I do not think the draft contains that word.
On Thu, Mar 7, 2024 at 4:03 PM Peter Yee via Datatracker <noreply@xxxxxxxx> wrote:
Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review result: Ready with Nits
I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area Review Team
(Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed by the IESG for the IETF
Chair. Please treat these comments just like any other last call comments.
For more information, please see the FAQ at
<https://wiki.ietf.org/en/group/gen/GenArtFAQ>.
Document: draft-ietf-v6ops-dhcp-pd-per-device-07
Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review Date: 2024-03-06
IETF LC End Date: 2024-02-12
IESG Telechat date: 2024-04-04
Summary:
This informational specification suggests an IPv6 deployment scenario in which
clients are allocated unique prefixes instead of using a common prefix for all
on-link clients. While I find the arguments for this scheme compelling, I’m not
sufficiently knowledgeable enough about enterprise deployments to know if there
are hidden dragons. The document is well written and makes its case with
multiple arguments. There are some really minor nits that ought to be addressed
before moving the document along, but nothing critical. How to resolve the text
and PDF misformatting issues is not clear, but these versions should not be
relied upon unless they are resolved. Please accept my apologies for the
lateness of this review. [Ready with Nits]
Major issues: None
Minor issues: None
Nits/editorial comments:
General
Where it occurs, ensure that all uses of “e.g.” are followed by a comma. The
document is inconsistent in this regard.
Specific
Page 3, 1st paragraph, 4th sentence: append a period after “etc”.
Page 3, 1st paragraph, last sentence: insert “an” before “arbitrary”
Page 4, 3rd bullet point, 3rd sentence: append a comma after “devices”.
Page 5, Figure 1: in the figure, choose whether you want to capitalize “router”
– it’s done differently in the two blocks for the First-hop [Rr]outer/DHCPv6
relay. Also, in the paginated text version of the document (which is the form
in which I review Internet-Drafts), for some reason, the second First-hop
Router/DHCPv6 relay’s second Route ends in “ccc” instead of “cccc”. This is not
evident in the HTML version of the document, so something’s going amiss in the
conversion.
Page 6, figure title: Is there any way you can get this to stick with the
actual figure in the text version of the document? It’s also off in the PDF
version, although the PDF suffers from other problems with the figure that may
well be outside of your control.
Page 6, second bullet item: insert “a” before “high number”.
Page 6, third bullet item: append a comma after “logging”.
Page 7, first bullet item: append a comma after “etc”.
Page 8, 1st paragraph, 5th sentence: the text says, “clients always use
multicast unless the server explicitly allows it using the Server Unicast
option”. If the antecedent of “it” is “multicast”, then the phrase seems
confusing. Why does it say “unless”? If the antecedent is supposed to be
“unicast”, then then that phrase might better be rewritten as “clients always
use multicast unless the server explicitly allows unicast using the Server
Unicast option”.
Page 9, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “onlink” to “on link” for
self-consistent usage and to match RFC 4861 usage as well. Do this throughout
the document as the usage is inconsistent in other places as well.
Page 10, 4th bullet item: change “WiFI” to “Wi-Fi”.
Page 11, 2nd bullet item, last sentence: append a comma after “Therefore”.
Page 12, last paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “Neighbour” to “Neighbor”.
Page 12, last paragraph, 3rd sentence: change “clients’s” to “clients’”.
Page 13, 1st bullet item, 1st sentence: change the “an” before “unique” to “a”.
Page 13, 2nd bullet item, last sentence: append a comma after “Therefore”.
Page 13, 1st paragraph after the bullet items, 2nd sentence: change “depened”
to “depend”.
Page 13, section 12, 1st bullet item, 1st sentence: append an apostrophe after
“devices”.
Page 14, 6th bullet item, 1st sentence: change “clients” to “clients’”.
Page 14, 7th bullet item, 2nd sentence: I’d strike “like” and “it” without
losing any meaning.
Page 14, section 13, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: append a comma after “threat”.
Page 15, section 15, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “rate limits” to
“rate-limits”.
Page 16, section 16, 2nd sentence: append a comma after “temporary address”.
Page 16, section 16, 4th sentence: change “host’s” to “host”.
Page 16, 1st bullet item, 1st sentence: change “muliple” to “multiple”.
Page 16, 1st bullet item, 2nd sentence: append a comma after “result”.
Page 16, 2nd bullet item: insert a space between “[RFC4193]” and “and”. Append
a comma after “together”.
Page 16, 1st paragraph after bullet items, 2nd sentence: delete “the” before
“network resources”.
Page 16, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert “the” before “amount of”.
Page 16, 2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence: append a comma after “perform ND proxy”.
Page 16, 2nd paragraph, 4th sentence: delete “a” before “single”.
Page 16, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: append a comma after “case”. Change
“implict” to “implicit”.
Page 20, acknowledgements: append a comma after “input”. Change “contribution”
to “contributions”.
Cheers, Jen Linkova
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