Hi Kent,
Please see below:
On 1/29/24 13:24, Kent Watsen wrote:
Nits/editorial comments:
Section 5.1:
"The YANG module defined in this document defines a mechanism called a
"keystore" that, by its name, suggests that it will protect its contents from
unauthorized disclosure and modification." This might be semantics, but: In my
mind, the name suggests that there's sensitive data, which implies that the
data needs to be protected, with obvious consequences otherwise. Please
consider rephrasing this sentence.
I get what you’re saying, but turning the sentence around like that seems to
misplace the emphasis, e.g., the draft isn’t about the data but the mechanism.
At least I couldn’t see how to do it. Can you suggest specific replacement text?
Maybe just simplify it as follows?
"The YANG module defined in this document defines a mechanism called a
"keystore" that will protect its contents from unauthorized disclosure and modification.
That said, I won't insist on this editorial change, I'd be okay with leaving the text as is if you think that's better.
I’m okay removing the "that, by its name, suggests” text.
Your sentence is okay, but the "will protect” seems too strong. How about "that intends to protect” instead?
Yes, that works.
Thank you!
Best,
Reese
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