Peter, thank you for your review. I have entered a No Objection ballot for this document. Lars > On Apr 6, 2022, at 09:33, Peter Yee via Datatracker <noreply@xxxxxxxx> wrote: > > Reviewer: Peter Yee > Review result: Ready with Issues > > I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area > Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed > by the IESG for the IETF Chair. Please treat these comments just > like any other last call comments. > > For more information, please see the FAQ at > > <https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>. > > Document: draft-ietf-6lo-use-cases-12 > Reviewer: Peter Yee > Review Date: 2022-04-05 > IETF LC End Date: 2022-04-06 > IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat > > Summary: This informational document describes various networking technologies > that can be used in 6lo networks, their characteristics, and example use cases. > There some issues and nits that should be address prior to publication. [Ready > with issues] > > Major issues: None > > Minor issues: > > Page 7, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: “Internet” is not an application. And use > of the Internet does not imply a requirement for high data rates either. I’d > drop that so-called “application”. > > Page 7, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: This is not a good reference. That is a > specification that makes the claim given in the sentence, but it is not > substantiated here or there. Furthermore, being based on the broken security in > IEEE 802.15.4 (ask Tero Kivinen) at the time of IEEE 1901.2’s publication is > probably not a selling point now. If IEEE 1902.2 supports layering over an IEEE > 802.15.4-2020 network possibly with IEEE 802.15.4y (aka Security Next > Generation, which added stronger crypto), then it might be worth mentioning. > > Page 7, 4th paragraph, last sentence: in regards to “frequencies”, I assume > that the 500 kHz is not in reference to the AC frequency but rather the > signaling frequency. It wasn’t completely clear in this context but may not be > worth addressing either. > > Page 8, Table 2: for security requirement, how does “high” security differ from > other security? These terms are a bit nebulous. > > Page 8, Table 2: for data rate, how does “small” compare to “infrequent”? I > don’t know how to rank these terms. I’m not sure “Data Rate” is the right row > header for the values given. > > Page 11, 1st bullet item, 4th sentence: instead of “different levels of > security”, consider using “other security mechanisms”. I have troubles > comparing the levels of “hardware-level security” and “certificates for initial > booting process”. > > Page 12, 12th bullet item: what does “energy friendliness” mean? Perhaps you > could use “low energy usage” if that’s what you are trying to convey? > > Page 16, section 5.3, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: I will point out that in the > home environment, these cordless telephone base stations are almost never > connected to a data network. Thus, it seems that pre-existing Fixed Parts > aren’t particularly valuable to this scenario. Use of DECT-ULE for 6lo use > cases will almost certainly require a Fixed Part that has a data network > connection. > > Page 18, section 5.5, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: I’m confused here. You just > mentioned wearable devices. Now you say that these devices are densely > installed at home. Which one is it? Or are these *other* devices that are > talking about in this sentence? If so, change “The” to “Other”. > > Page 18, section 5.5, 3rd paragraph, last sentence: why do the hackers have to > be hidden? LTE traffic can be heard for quite a distance. A listening hacker > wouldn’t have to be hidden. Where a hidden listener would be required would be > near an NFC connection because of the very short distances involved and the > difficulty with placing a listening device near enough to pick up the > emanations. > > Page 26, Appendix A: I don’t understand how these dimensions fit in with > section 3. Why aren’t they merged? These seem like additional considerations. > If they don’t belong in section 3, then how do they tie back to the rest of the > document? > > Page 27, 4th bullet item, 2nd sentence: a buffering mechanism isn’t strictly > required. Another option would be to tell the application to throttle its > generation of data, if appropriate to the application. Or compression of the > data might suffice. > > Page 27, 7th bullet item, 1st sentence: I would delete “6lo”. I would think > that time synchronization would be importance to the application making up the > use case, regardless of the use of 6lo. For the second sentence, I don’t > understand what “transferred with time synchronization” means. If it has been > recorded with “exact time”, then a timestamp presumably exists. Then it’s not > clear what time synchronization is required for. > > Page 27, 9th bullet item, last sentence: How do continuous and periodic work > together? The latter would seem to imply a discontinuity. It’s not clear what > this sentence means. > > Page 27, 10th bullet item: What are these “external operations”? > > Page 28, 1st bullet item: Are you implying that PLC and MS/TP devices don’t > require firmware updates because they aren’t “over the air”? > > Page 28, 2nd bullet item, last sentence: These aren’t necessarily > contradictory. You’ve already pointed out the PLC networks are easy to deploy > because of the existing power wires. And these devices are mains powered. Smart > grid meters, on the other hand, are mains powered but use a wireless connection > for easy and quick deployment. I’d probably delete this sentence or consider > rethinking it. > > Nits/editorial comments: > > General: > > For each use of “e.g.” (particularly) and “i.e.”, ensure that a comma follows. > > Drop all uses of “etc.”. In almost every case, it appears after something else > in the sentence that already was indicative of the incomplete nature of the > preceding list. > > Specific: > > Page 3, first (partial?) paragraph, 2nd sentence: Change “2016” to “2021” in > “IEEE Std 802.15.9-2016”. The 2016 specification was a Recommended Practice and > has been replaced by the 2021 version, which is a Standard. Insert “a” before > “multiplexing”. > > Page 3, first (partial?) paragraph, 5th sentence: append an “s” to > “specification”. > > Page 3, last bullet item: change “of” to “about”. > > Page 4, section 2.1, last sentence: delete “The”. > > Page 4, section 2.2, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert “The” before > “Bluetooth SIG”. > > Page 4, section 2.2, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: append an “s” after > “connection”. > > Page 4, section 2.2, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: change “is being” to “has > been”, considering that RFC 9159 has been published. > > Page 5, section 2.3, 1st paragraph: change “low power” to “low-power”. Change > “circuit switched” to “circuit-switched”. Change “packet mode” to “packet-mode”. > > Page 5, section 2.3, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert “and” before security. > > Page 5, section 2.3, 5th paragraph, 2nd sentence: append a comma to “However”. > > Page 6, section 2.5, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert a hyphen between > “consumer” and “level”. > > Page 6, section 2.6, 2nd paragraph: move “below” after “table”. > > Page 7, Table 1: insert a space into the IEEE specification names (e.g., > IEEE1901 -> IEEE 1901). > > Page 7, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: insert “it” before “is”. Before the word > “effective”, considering inserting “only” or “also” depending on what makes > sense in the context of the “but”. > > Page 7, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: append an “s” after “rate”. Delete the > colon. Make “Audio” and “Gaming” lower case. > > Page 7, 2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert “IEEE 1901” at the beginning of the > sentence unless all broadband networks operate on OFDM. If that’s the case, > then delete the sentence entirely. > > Page 7, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: change “less” to “a lower”. > > Page 7, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete the colon. Rewrite the applications > in lower case. Insert “and” before “smart grid”. > > Page 7, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: delete “standard”. > > Page 8, section 2.7, 1st sentence: insert “the” before “above”. Change > “clauses” to “subsections”. IETF doesn’t use the term clause like IEEE does. > > Page 8, section 2.7, 2nd sentence: insert “the” before “dominant”. > > Page 9, section 3, title: insert “an” before “IPv6”. > > Page 9, section 3, 1st paragraph, last sentence: insert “the” before “6LoWPAN”. > > Page 9, 1st bullet item, 1st sentence: insert “the” before “Addressing” and > make “Addressing” lower case. Append a comma after “addresses”. > > Page 9, 1st bullet item, last sentence: insert “for” before “when”. Append a > comma to “broadcast”. Delete “and”. Change “try” to “trying”. > > Page 9, 2nd bullet item, 3rd sentence: change “most” to “greatest”. Change > “optimum” to “optimal”. > > Page 9, 2nd bullet item, 4th sentence: insert “and” between “[RFC8163]” and > “[RFC8105]”. > > Page 10, 3rd bullet item, last sentence: append “RFC” after “latter” to make it > clear what is the latter. > > Page 11, 1st partial paragraph, 1st partial sentence: insert “and” between > “[RFC8163],” and “[RFC8105]”. > > Page 11, 1st partial paragraph, 1st full sentence: change “to” to “also”. > Change “compress” to “compressing”. Delete the “also” following that. Put a > period at the end of the sentence. > > Page 11, 1st bullet item, 4th sentence: insert “The” before “6lo”. Change “is > working” to “has worked”. Change “at” to “in the”. > > Page 11, 1st bullet item, 4th sentence: insert “the” before “initial”. > > Page 11, 2nd bullet item, 2nd sentence: insert “the” before “ESC”. > > Page 11, section 4.1, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: delete “the”. Delete > “standard”. > > Page 11, section 4.1, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert “mains-“ before > “powered”. Both types of devices are powered. You could also use “grid-“, I > guess, since “mains” is more of a British usage. > > Page 11, section 4.1, bullet list: don’t capitalize the items in the bullet > list beyond the first word except where those are well-known terms that require > the capitalization. Even AMI doesn’t appear to be consistently used with > capitalization. > > Page 12, 6th bullet item: append a comma after “Conditioning”. > > Page 12, 8th bullet item: change “IEEE802” to “IEEE P802” or “IEEE 802”. The > “P” standards for project. Insert “and” before “ETSI”. > > Page 12, 14th bullet item: change “long term” to “long-term”. > > Page 12, last paragraph: expand the use of “FAN”. I presume it is “Field Area > Networks”. > > Page 13, section 4.3, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change the hyphen in > “highly-reliable” to a space. > > Page 13, section 4.3, 1st paragraph, 4th sentence: delete an extraneous space > after appending the previously noted comma after “e.g.”. > > Page 13, section 4.3, bullet list: Use lower case after the first word in each > item. > > Page 14, section 4.4, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: insert “the” before > “HomePlug”. Change “long distance” to “long-distance”. > > Page 15, 1st paragraph: insert “The” before “Netricity”. Delete “PLC standard”. > > Page 15, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert “an” before “IPv6”. > > Page 15, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: expand the acronym “MRHOF”. Change “the > own” to “their own”. > > Page 15, section 5.1, 2nd paragraph: change “Variety” to “A variety”. Append a > comma after “curtains”. > > Page 16, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: change “specially” to “especially”. > > Page 16, section 5.2, 1st paragraph, last sentence: append a comma following > “wellness”. > > Page 16, last paragraph, last sentence: change “the” to “this”. > > Page 17, section 5.3, 3rd sentence: change “specially” to “especially”. Insert > “and” before “healthcare”. > > Page 17, section 5.4, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: append a comma after “open”. > > Page 17, section 5.4, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert a hyphen between > “low” and “cost”. Then append a comma after “low-cost”. Delete the hyphen in > “inter-connect”. > > Page 17, section 5.4, 1st paragraph, last sentence: change “high speed” to > “high-speed”. > > Page 18, 1st paragraph, last sentence: append a comma after “home-run”. Change > “Cat-5 style” to “Cat 5-style” > > Page 18, 3rd paragraph, last sentence: change “low cost” to “low-cost”. > > Page 18, section 5.5, 2nd paragraph, 4th sentence: change “LCDs” to “displays” > so that there isn’t an unnecessary constraint on the display technology in the > example. > > Page 19, section 5.6, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: make the list of items > following “area of” lower case. Append a comma after “management”. > > Page 19, section 5.6, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert “a” before “WAN”. > Append a comma following “Ethernet”. > > Page 19, section 5.6, 4th paragraph, 1st sentence: insert “and” between “labor” > and “operational”. > > Page 19, section 5.6, 4th paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “charge” to > “charging”. Append a comma after “theft”. > > Page 19, section 5.6, last paragraph, 1st sentence: append an “s” to “rate”. > Then append a comma to “rates”. > > Page 20, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: insert “A” before “WASA”. Append an “s” > to “amount”. Insert “a” before “wide”. > > Page 20, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: append a comma after “controlling”. > > Page 26, Appendix A, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: Delete “The”. > > Page 27, 4th bullet item, 1st sentence: change “more” to “a higher”. > > Page 27, 6th bullet item, 2nd sentence: insert “be” before “moved. > > Page 27, 8th bullet item: append a comma after “example”. Delete “service”. > > Page 27, 9th bullet item, 2nd sentence: append an “s” to “case”. Append an “s” > to “length”. > > Page 27, 10th bullet item: change the second “the” to “a”. > > Page 28, 1st bullet item, 2nd sentence: append a comma after “cases”. Change > “are” to “is”. > > Page 28, 2nd bullet item, 2nd sentence: append an “s” after “requirement”. > Insert “the” before “6lo”. > > > > -- > last-call mailing list > last-call@xxxxxxxx > https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/last-call
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