Hi Peter, Thank you for your detailed review of this somewhat lengthy draft! Sorry for my slow response, I've been on vacation at www.discon3.org. On Tue, Dec 14, 2021 at 6:24 PM Peter Yee via Datatracker <noreply@xxxxxxxx> wrote: > > Reviewer: Peter Yee > Review result: Ready with Nits > > I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area Review Team > (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed by the IESG for the IETF > Chair. Please treat these comments just like any other last call comments. > > For more information, please see the FAQ at > > <https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>. > > Document: draft-eastlake-rfc6931bis-xmlsec-uris-19 > Reviewer: Peter Yee > Review Date: 2021-12-14 > IETF LC End Date: 2021-12-15 > IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat > > Summary: This update document corrects the IANA’s XML Security URIs registry. > It also fixes errata in RFC 6931. There are a few nits that should be fixed > prior to publication. [Ready with Nits] > > Major issues: None > > Minor issues: None > > Nits/editorial comments: > > General: > > Replace all occurrences of “US National Institute of Science and Technology” > with “US National Institute of Standards and Technology”. While I’m sure they > would appreciate the upgrade to their remit (along with a concomitant increase > in funding), I suspect that the old US National Bureau of Standards still wants > to be known for being in the standards business. Sort of like the IETF. ;-) > OK :-) > Specific: > > Page 11, section 2.2.3, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “It’s” to “Its”. > > Page 12, section 2.2.6, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: append a comma after > “stateful”. > > Page 13, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence (fragment?): append a colon at the end of > the fragment “An example of use is”. Do the same in the equivalent place in > each of the 2.3.x sections. > > Page 13, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “pre-pended” to “prepended”. > > Page 15, 1st paragraph, last sentence: append a comma after RIPEMD160. > > Page 15, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: append “to” after “referred”. > > Page 16, section 2.3.8, 1st paragraph, last fragment: append a colon after the > fragment. For consistency and readability, add blanks lines around the “hex” > line as was done in section 2.3.1. > > Page 19, section 2.3.12, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “advatages” to > “advantages”. > > Page 19, section 2.3.12, 1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: change “choosen” to > “chosen”. OK on above. > Page 20, end of section 2.4: there appears to be an extra blank line compared > to other section separators. What can I say? Sharp eyes! The idea was to have an extra blank line before each 2nd level header in Section 2 to improve readability. The improvement may be almost insignificant but I am inclined to leave in the extra blank lines and have, in fact, added a couple more blank lines so as to consistently implement my idea of such extra blank lines. > Page 21, section 2.6.1, 1st paragraph, last sentence (fragment): append a colon. > > Page 23, section 2.6.5, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: change “128-bit key sizes” > to “a 128-bit key size”. > > Page 25, section 2.7.2, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “exacty” to > “exactly”. > > Page 27, section 3: append a comma after “below”. Append a comma after “3.2”. OK on the above. > Page 32, section 4.1, last paragraph. This text essentially reiterates the note > from the beginning of the section about the part of the URI being omitted. > Perhaps the text could also be omitted as repetitious? Assuming you are talking about the last sentence, just before the 4.2 header, this is a pretty darn long table. The column headers are repeated as column footers due to the height of that span and I think it is reasonable to leave in this sentence just past the end of the table. > Page 35, last paragraph: while not harmful, the text in this paragraph almost > completely mirrors the text in the first paragraph of the section on page 32. > Perhaps this one can be deleted? See answer immediately above. > Page 36, section 5.2, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “Criterion” to > “Criteria”. > > Page 38, section 6, 3rd paragraph: the MD5 mention here is presumably subsumed > by the 2nd paragraph’s more specific discussion of MD5 and could perhaps be > eliminated in the 3rd paragraph. > > Page 40, Appendix A, 3rd item, section 2.2.6 row: change “amd” to “and”. > > Page 40, Appendix A, 5th item: change “approriate" to “appropriate”. > > Page 41, Appendix B, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “Section” to > “Sections”. Also change the bare “Bad” to “bad”. OK on above. Thanks again, Donald =============================== Donald E. Eastlake 3rd +1-508-333-2270 (cell) 2386 Panoramic Circle, Apopka, FL 32703 USA d3e3e3@xxxxxxxxx -- last-call mailing list last-call@xxxxxxxx https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/last-call
