Hi Niklas, Many thanks for your review and comments. Please see proposed changes inline. Thanks Bala'zs -----Original Message----- From: Niklas Widell via Datatracker <noreply@xxxxxxxx> Sent: Monday, February 15, 2021 5:06 PM To: iot-directorate@xxxxxxxx Cc: detnet@xxxxxxxx; draft-ietf-detnet-ip-over-tsn.all@xxxxxxxx; last-call@xxxxxxxx Subject: Iotdir telechat review of draft-ietf-detnet-ip-over-tsn-06 Reviewer: Niklas Widell Review result: Ready with Nits I have reviewed draft-ietf-detnet-ip-over-tsn from IoT point of view, as part of IoT directorate document reviews. The document specifies the DetNet IP data plane when operating on a TSN sub-network, and builds on RFC8939 and RFC8565 to do so. The document is well-written and appears to be Ready (with some minor nits). I did not identify any IoT related issues with the document. Nits: - RFC8939 reference does not render as link in section 1, first paragraph, but works in the second paragraph. In section 3 again no link. <Bala'zs> Reference seems to work now. - Section 1, third paragraph: This sentence is strange: "As described in [RFC8939] no DetNet specific headers are added to support DetNet IP flows, only the forwarding sub-layer functions are supported inside the DetNet domain." <Bala'zs> OK. I will separate sentences. Proposed change. OLD TEXT As described in [RFC8939] no DetNet specific headers are added to support DetNet IP flows, only the forwarding sub-layer functions are supported inside the DetNet domain. NEW TEXT As described in [RFC8939] no DetNet specific headers are added to support DetNet IP flows. Only the forwarding sub-layer functions are supported inside the DetNet IP domain. END - section 2.2. Abbreviations DF and PREOF not used in rest of document. <Bala'zs> OK, I will fix this. - general, mix of using L2 and Layer-2 <Bala'zs> OK, I will fix this. - general, there are some long, complex to parse, sentences that could perhaps be split or rephrased into something clearer. E.g. 4.2, third paragraph, "In cases of TSN-unaware IP DetNet nodes the TSN relay nodes within the TSN sub-network must modify the Ethernet encapsulation of the DetNet IP flow (e.g., MAC translation, VLAN-ID setting, Sequence number addition, etc.) to allow proper TSN specific handling inside the sub-network." <Bala'zs> OK, I will discuss with native speaker co-authors. - general, IEEE specs are referred to as "IEEE 802.1CB [IEEE8021CB]", which makes the many references to clauses long to read. Can't you just say e.g., "Clause 6.6 of [IEEE8021CB]" instead of ""Clause 6.6 of IEEE8021CB [IEEE8021CB]", except for maybe the first reference? <Bala'zs> OK, I will fix this. -- last-call mailing list last-call@xxxxxxxx https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/last-call
