Thanks Peter. I entered a No Objection ballot and flagged your review. Alissa > On Apr 29, 2020, at 2:50 AM, Peter Yee via Datatracker <noreply@xxxxxxxx> wrote: > > Reviewer: Peter Yee > Review result: Ready with Nits > > I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area > Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed > by the IESG for the IETF Chair. Please treat these comments just > like any other last call comments. > > For more information, please see the FAQ at > > <https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>. > > Document: draft-ietf-rtcweb-sdp-11 > Reviewer: Peter Yee > Review Date: 2020-04-28 > IETF LC End Date: 2020-04-28 > IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat > > Summary: This informative specification gives examples of using SDP to > negotiate session capabilities between WebRTC peers. I lack the ability to > machine check each example for correctness, but I’ve read them and offered > suggestions to improve clarity and consistency. I’ve also marked a large > number of nits that should be fixed prior to the document being submitted to > the RFC Editor to prevent gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair. ;-) [Ready > with nits] > > Major issues: None. > > Minor issues: None. > > Nits: > (Given the difficulty in specifying a location within the examples, I’m relying > on the page numbers, section numbers, and other identifying marks to point out > where changes would be helpful. That means you have to use the text version of > the draft to find what I'm specifying) > > General: > > Change “use-cases” to “use cases”. The hyphen is unnecessary. There’s also > one instance of “use-case” (singular) that needs to be changed. > > Change “48khz” to “48 kHz” throughout the document. That aligns with preferred > SI formatting and the proper name for the unit. > > Strongly consider changing “Audio” to “audio”, “Video” to “video”, “Stream” to > “stream”, and “Session” to “session” throughout the document (with the obvious > exception of at the beginning of sentences and in section titles). RFC 3550 > does not capitalize these terms. > > There’s inconsistent usage of “n-way” throughout the document. To wit, > sometimes I see the number (generally n is 1 or 2) spelled out in English, > other times it is shown as numeric digits. Sometimes the hyphen is present, > sometimes it is missing. “Way” is sometimes capitalized, sometimes it’s not. > I don’t care whether you usage the English word for a number or the actual > digits, but choose one for and use it consistently. The hyphen is not > optional. “Way” is lower case in this usage. There are way too many of these > occurrences for me to mark them individually, but you should be able to find > them with a different searches. > > Change “reduced size” to “reduced-size” throughout the draft. This change > aligns the draft with RFC 5506. > > In the “RFC#/Notes” column in several example, when RFC 5104 FIR is explained, > drop the word “Frame” from the entry. RFC 5104 does not include “Frame” in the > term. FIR is just “Full Intra Request”. > > Change “sreams” to “streams” everywhere. Change “stram” to “stream” everywhere. > > Consider changing “Offer” to “offer”, “Answer” to “answer”, “Offerer” to > “offerer”, and “Answerer” to “answerer” to align with RFC 3264. > > Change “end-point” to “endpoint” everywhere. > > Specific: > > Page 1, Abstract, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: append a comma after “video”. > > Page 1, Abstract, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “With in” to “Within”. > Change “Rtcweb” to “WebRTC”. Change “protocol” to “Protocol”. > > Page 1, Abstract, 2nd paragraph, change “Rtcweb” to “WebRTC”, to maintain > alignment with draft-ietf-rtcweb-overview usage. > > Page 3, section 1, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: change “Javascript” to > “JavaScript”. Append a comma after “updating”. > > Page 3, section 3, title: delete “the”. > > Page 3, section 3, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete “the”. > > Page 3, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert “a” before “multimedia”. Append a > comma after “addresses”. Append a comma after “invitation”. > > Page 3, section 3, 3rd paragraph: append a comma after “[RFC3550]”. Move > “[RFC7826]” between “Protocol” and “applications”. > > Page 4, 1st paragraph: Insert “The figure” at the beginning of the sentence. > Replace “Below figure” with “below”. Insert “a” before “high-level”. > > Page 5, 1st paragraph (after the figure), 1st sentence: insert “using a” before > “JavaScript”. > > Page 5, 2nd numbered item: insert “a” before “participant’s”. > > Page 5, section 4, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: insert “the” before “SDP”. > Append a comma after “updating”. > > Page 5, section 4, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: insert “to” before “[RFC3264]”. > Change “operation” to “operations”. > > Page 6, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: change “rule” to “rules”. > > Page 6, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert “a” before “protocol”. Delete > “with”. Insert “the” before “participants”. Change “from” to “with”. Change > “others” to “other”. Delete “perspective”. Append “messages” (or another > similar word) after “SDP”. > > Page 6, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: insert a space before “the protocol”. > > Page 6, 4th paragraph, 1st sentence: change “With in” to “Within”. Change > “them” to “themselves”. > > Page 6, 4th paragraph, 2nd sentence: Insert “The” before “JSEP”. Insert “and” > before “transport”. > > Page 6, section 5, 1st paragraph: change “web based” to “web-based”. Change > “below” to “follows”. > > Page 6, 1st bullet item: change “Audio only” to “audio-only”. Change “Video > only” to “video-only”. Change “Audio/Video” to “audio/video”. Change > “Sessions” to “sessions”. RFC 3550 does not capitalize these words. > > Page 6, 4th bullet item: insert “the” before “ICE”. > > Page 6, 5th bullet item: change “RTCP based” to “RTCP-based”. > > Page 6, 6th bullet item: insert “or” before “dual”. Change “dual-stack based” > to “dual stack-based”. > > Page 7, 1st bullet item: change “BUNDLE based” to “BUNDLE-based”. > > Page 7, section 5.1, 2nd bullet item: change “apriori” to “a priori”. Insert > “a” before “successful”. > > Page 7, section 5.1, 3rd bullet item: change “is” to “are”. Append a comma > after “detailed”. > > Page 7, section 5.1, 4th bullet item: change “Eventhough” to “Even though”. > > Page 7, section 5.1, 5th bullet, 3rd sub-bullet: change the “an” before “ASCII” > to “a” in both places. Change “ASCII” to “US-ASCII” in both occurrences to > align with IANA’s preferred usage. > > Page 8, 1st bullet item: insert “The” at the beginning of the sentence: Change > “Following” to “following”. > > Page 8, 1st paragraph following the sub-bullets: insert “the” before > “[I-D.ietf-rtcweb-jsep]”. > > Page 8, 2nd bullet item: change “a” to “an” before “RTP Session”. Change the > “a” before “RTP Stream” to “an”. Also review the general nit regarding > capitalization of terms. > > Page 8, 3rd bullet item: append a comma after “H.264”. > > Page 8, 4th bullet item: change “is” to “are”. > > Page 8, 5th bullet item: change “is” to “are”. > > Page 8, 6th bullet item: append “’s” after “Bob”. > > Page 8, 7th bullet item: change “Mediastream” to “MediaStream”. Insert “and” > before “MediaStreamTrack”. Change “Ids” to “IDs”. Insert “than” before > “and/or” append “in comparison to” after “random”. Delete “than” before “the > ones”. > > Page 9, 3rd bullet item: delete “section”. > > Page 9, section 5.2.1, 1st paragraph: insert “the” before “SDP”. Insert “a” > before “secure”. > > Page 9, ladder diagram: see general nit “n-way”. > > Page 14, section 5.2.2, ladder diagram heading: change the comma to a slash. > > Page 14, section 5.2.2.1, 1st sentence: change “IPv4 only” to “IPv4-only”. > > Page 19, RFC#/Notes column, RFC4585: change “NACK based” to “NACK-based”. > > Page 19, RFC#/Notes column, RFC5104: delete an extraneous space after they > hyphen. > > Page 24, RFC#/Notes column, RFC4585: change “NACK based” to “NACK-based”. > > Page 24, section 5.2.3, title: change “Data Only” to “Data-only”. > > Page 24, section 5.2.3, 1st sentence: change “setup” to “set up”. Change > “file-transfer” to “file transfer”. Change the comma after “file-transfer” to > “ or”. Append a comma after “control”. > > Page 25, ladder diagram: change “SCTP based” to “SCTP-based”. Change > “DataChannel” to “data channel”. > > Page 31, section 5.2.5, 2nd sentence: insert “the” before “first”. > > Page 35, section 5.2.6: I had some difficulty in rewriting this sentence to > make sure it’s clear that no one mistakenly believes the audio is somehow muxed > into the video stream. I ended up with “In this scenario Alice and Bob engage > in a one-way audio and video session with Bob receiving Alice's her > presentation slides as a video stream and her audio.” I’m not entirely happy > with that either. If you believe that the original wording is unlikely to be > mistaken in its intent by the reader, feel free to ignore this suggestion. > > Page 36, ladder diagram: change “send only” to “send-only”. > > Page 37, RFC#/Notes column, RFC3264: change “Send only” to “Send-only” > > Page 38, RFC#/Notes column, RFC3264: change “Receive only” to “Receive-only”. > > Page 39, section 5.2.7: insert “the” before “following”. Change “setup” to > “set up”. Append a period at the end of the sentence. > > Page 40, 1st bullet item: delete “the” before “Alice”. > > Page 40, 2nd bullet item: change “offerer’s” to “Offerer’s” to be consistent > with the previous bullet. Or see the general nit concerning the terms “Offer”, > “Offerer”, “Answer”, and “Answerer” for a more general solution. If accepting > that general nit, then a correction in the previous bullet item is needed and > this bullet item does not need to be changed. > > Page 40, 1st paragraph after bullet items: insert “a” before “single”. Insert > “of” before “the Media Streams”. Consider making “Media Streams” lower case. > > Page 40, ladder diagram, title: change the comma to “ and “. > > Page 40, ladder diagram: change “address” to “addresses”. > > Page 45, section 5.2.8, title: insert a space before “Video”. Append a comma > after “Video”. > > Page 45, ladder diagram, title: insert “ and “ before Data. > > Page 45, ladder diagram: insert “an “ before “identical”. Insert a space > before “Video” at the bottom of the diagram. > > Page 50, ladder diagram, title: change the comma to “ and “. > > Page 54, section 5.2.10, title: drop the parentheses. > > Page 54, section 5.2.10, 1st sentence: change “show-cases” to “showcases”. > Append a comma after “Video”. Insert “the” before “data”. > > Page 54, section 5.2.10, 2nd (partial) sentence: insert “a” before “unique”. > > Page 55, 1st partial paragraph: insert “the” before “data”. > > Page 59, section 5.2.11, 2nd sentence: insert “The” at the beginning of the > sentence. Change “First” to “first”. Change “setup” to “set up”. Insert “an” > before “Audio”. Insert “a” before “video”. > > Page 60, ladder diagram, title: delete the space after “Only”. > > Page 66, section 5.3, 1st sentence: change “coding, simulcast” to “coding and > simulcast”. > > Page 66, section 5.3, 2nd sentence: insert “a” before “few”. > > Page 66, section 5.3, 3rd sentence: change “to” to “of”. > > Page 66, section 5.3.1, title: change “Sendonly” to “Send-only”. Capitalize > “cameras”, “encodings”, and “camera” to match your other capitalization scheme > for most other section titles. > > Page 66, section 5.3.1, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: append “example” after > “SDP”. Insert “an” before “Offer/Answer”. > > Page 66, section 5.3.1, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change “source” to > “sources”. > > Page 66, section 5.3.1, 3rd, 4th, and 5th paragraphs: insert “The” at the > beginning of the paragraph. > > Page 66, section 5.3.1, 5th paragraph: append “solely” after “sources”. > > Page 67, 1st paragraph: Insert “The” at the beginning of the sentence: delete > “the” before “5”. > > Page 67, 2nd paragraph: delete “a” before “non-interactive”. > > Page 67, ladder diagram: change “sendonly” to “send-only”. Append a comma > after “H.264”. > > Page 70, RFC#/Notes column, RFC3264: change “Send only” to “Send-only”. > > Page 74, section 5.3.2, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert “is” before > “being”. Change “stream” to “streams”. > > Page 74, ladder diagram: insert “a” before “sendonly”. Change “sendonly” to > “send-only”. This section says the session has audio and a single video > source, but the diagram doesn’t show an audio offer being made. Is that > correct? Change “Codec” to “codec”. > > Page 78, 1st paragraph: change “[RFC4588] style” to “[RFC4588]-style”. Delete > the hyphen in “re-transmission” to align with RFC 4588 usage. > > Page 78, 2nd and 3rd paragraphs: insert “The” at the beginning of the paragraph. > > Page 79, ladder diagram: insert a space before “all muxed”. > > Page 83, section 5.3.4, 2nd paragraph: change “Stream” to “Streams” and append > a comma. > > Page 84 ladder diagram: change “audio,video” to “audio and video” at the bottom. > > Page 88, section 5.3.5, 1st paragraph: insert “a” before “Simulcast”. Change > “Simulcast” to “simulcast”. Delete an extraneous “and”. Change “[RFC5956] > style” to “[RFC5956]-style”. > > Page 88, section 5.3.5, 2nd paragraph: append a comma after “mechanism”. > Insert “with” before “one”. Append a comma after “video streams”. Append a > comma after “FEC streams”. Insert “which” before “are sent”. > > Page 89, ladder diagram: at the bottom of the diagram, you refer to this as “4 > video streams”. In the description on page 88, you referred to this as “2 > simulcast video streams, and 2 associated FEC streams”. Which one is it? Are > FEC streams considered video streams? Also, change the comma to “ and “. > Change “Simulcast” to “simulcast”. Append a comma after the “)”. > > Page 93, section 5.4: change “the” to “this”. Change “exchange” to > “exchanges”. Change “extension” to “extensions”. Append a comma after > “scenarios”. > > Page 93, section 5.4.1: change “audio-level” to “audio level”. > > Page 97, section 5.4.2: change the sentence to start “This example of SDP > highlights the RTP header” > > Page 97, ladder diagram: change “interest to audio” to “interest in audio”. > Change “audio-levels” to “audio levels”. Change “Audio-levels” to “Audio > levels”. Change “CSRCS is” to “CSRCS are”. > > Page 100, section 5.4.3, title: change “legacy” to “Legacy”. Change “bundle” > to “Bundle”. > > Page 100, section 5.4.3, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: append a comma after > “WebRTC endpoint”. > > Page 100, section 5.4.3, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert “an” before > “audio”. Change “audio only” to “audio-only”. Insert “the” before > “bundle-only”. > > Page 100, section 5.4.3, 1st paragraph, last word: change the comma to a colon. > > Page 100, section 5.4.3, 1st bullet item: Insert “The” at the beginning of the > sentence. General nit regarding capitalization applies. Page 100, section > 5.4.3, 2nd bullet: insert “the” before “BUNDLE”. > > Page 100, NOTE: insert “the” before “BUNDLE”. > > Page 101, ladder diagram: insert “the” between “accepts” and “audio” on the > side. > > Page 105, section 5.4.4, 1st paragraph: change “which” to “that”. Insert “an” > before “[RFC3264]”. Change “RTP/AVP based” to “RTP/AVP-based”. Insert “a” > before “DTLS”. > > Page 105, section 5.4.4, 2nd paragraph: append a comma after “Bob”. Append a > comma after “end-point” (noting general nit about end-point). Insert “the” > before “procedures”. Insert “a” before “DTLS”. Change “DTLS-SRTP based” to > “DTLS-SRTP-based”. > > Page 106, ladder diagram: change “End-point” to “endpoint” (lowercase, no > hyphen) twice. Change “Legacy compliant” to “Legacy-compliant”. Change “dtls” > to “DTLS”. Change “rtcp” to “RTCP”. On the side, change “legacy compliant” to > “legacy-compliant”. > > Page 108, RFC#/Notes column, RFC4585, change “loss” to “Loss”. > > Page 108, RFC#/Notes column, RFC4566 change “RTP/AVP based” to “RTP/AVP-based” > in two places. > > Page 109, section 7, 2nd paragraph: append a comma after “TLS transport”. > > Page 109, section 8, 2nd sentence: insert “a” before “syntax”. > > Page 118, section A.1, 2nd sentence: change “compliant to” to “compliant with”. > > Page 118, 2nd bullet item: insert “a” before “64”. Change “64 bit” to > “64-bit”. Append a comma after “’addrtype’”. > > Page 118, 3rd bullet item: change “cases” to “case”. > > Page 119, 1st bullet item: change “with” to “and have”. > > Page 119, 3rd bullet item: change “WEBRTC” to “WebRTC”. > > Page 119, section A.1.2: insert “The” at the beginning of the sentence. Change > “Following” to “following”. > > Page 119, section A.1.2, 1st bullet item: insert “the” before “dummy”. > > Page 119, section A.1.2, 3rd bullet item: insert “The” at the beginning of the > sentence. > > Page 119, section A.1.2, 5th bullet item: delete “in” before “included”. > > Page 119, section A.1.2, 7th bullet item: append a comma after “retransmission”. > > Page 119, section A.1.2, 8th bullet item: append a period at the end of the > sentence. > > Page 119, section A.1.2, 10th bullet item: change “i.e” to “i.e.,”, i.e., add a > period and a comma. > > Page 120, 4th bullet item: change “lines” to “line”. > > Page 120, 6th bullet item: insert “the” before “following”. > > Page 120, 8th bullet item: change “session level” to “session-level”. Change > “lip same” to “same lip”. > > Page 121, section A.1.3, title: change “DataChannel” to “Data Channel”. > > Page 121, section A.1.3, change “datachannel” to “data channel”. > > Page 121, 2nd bullet item: change “An JSEP” to “A JSEP”. > > Page 121, 5th bullet item: insert “an” before “SCTP”. > > > > _______________________________________________ > Gen-art mailing list > Gen-art@xxxxxxxx > https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art -- last-call mailing list last-call@xxxxxxxx https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/last-call
