Subject: Aviators Secrets ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ When my company hired me, one of the first things I noticed about many o= f my fellow pilots was that they were cheap bastards. I consider this to be a= compliment to my fellow aviators. Hotels offer a plethora of freebies that end up in the homes of pilots. There are soaps, shampoos, lotions, sewing kits, amenity kits, and other= things of strategic value. On the nightstands in hotel rooms, there usua= lly is a pad of stationary and a cheap pen. The stationary pads are commonly= found in the cockpits, on the built in clipboards, but the pens are too valuable to leave behind. If there are free newspapers at the front desk= , we are certain to take one. At some of the better hotels you can find a newspaper and a Wall Street Journal at the same time, major score. There is the story of the pilot who finally sends his first child off to= college. The young adult returns for the holidays and proceeds to tell t= he parents everything they have learned. The parents are told many things, = but their child was most impressed by learning that most bars of soap are actually very big and shampoo comes in bottles that are bigger than thei= r thumb. Being raised on hotel toiletries brought home by the student's father, the young person was ignorant to this important part of life, on= ly because the father, a pilot, was a cheap bastard. Discounts and deals abound in the pilot world. Almost every airport eate= ry and hotel restaurant offers a percentage off of whatever we purchase to = eat. There are coupons for free drinks or buffets. I have seen 50% off in som= e places, which none of us can pass up. I was at a coffee shop in a layove= r hotel recently, getting ready to head to the airport. The young woman working the counter got me my coffee and handed me two big chocolate chi= p cookies for free. Of course I shyly refused, but she insisted that I tak= e the cookies. 'You never know when you might get hungry', She said. I was= trying to smile and not drool at the same time. This treatment is not unusual. I was walking through the Cincinnati airport once, when a worke= r at the Mrs. Fields Cookies counter waved me over. 'You can have all the lef= t over cookies for five dollars', the counter person said. I walked away w= ith three bags of cookies and boasted about my good deal for weeks after. I = had realized that the cookies kiosk was closing and instead of throwing the cookies away, they would offer them all at a price no pilot could refuse= . I scored those bags of cookies several times but got so sick of them, that= I eventually refused the good deal. The same thing happened in Buffalo New= York one night. We were doing a turn around, so we were there for about = an hour. I ran down to the cafeteria and ordered some wings. The man workin= g the counter asked if I wanted extra wings. I said, 'Sure, sounds good'. = He brought out three large to go boxes of wings, mild, medium, and hot. We stuffed ourselves. When ordering a meal where the food is scooped up in = a predetermined amount, the generous workers dishing out the food usually = add a partial scoop more, smiling at us while they do it. I have never seen = a pilot tell them to take it back. There is a good chain of communication amongst pilots, allowing us to sh= are the free things or good deals in our layover cities. A fellow pilot told= me about free coffee at the hotel coffee shop in Boston . He said, 'You hav= e to be in uniform to get the free coffee'. I mentioned this to my copilot th= e evening we arrived at that hotel. The next morning I was in the lobby of= the hotel studying the subway map. We had the entire day off and I was interested in visiting a museum. I was surprised to see the copilot walk= by in his uniform, seven hours before we were to be picked up. He marched o= ver to the coffee shop and picked up a free cup of coffee, saving himself ab= out $2.50. 'You make me proud', I said. He smiled, held up the free cup of J= oe in a salute, and then proceeded to pick up a newspaper someone left on a= chair. He went back to his room, drank free coffee and read a free paper= . It doesn't get much better than that. I worked the Hawaiian operation for several years. Our layover hotel was= at a gargantuan hotel complex with three, forty story towers. Through the grapevine, I had found out that the rooftop of every tower had a hot tub= on it with an ice chest of soda next to it. Access to the rooftop was limit= ed to the expensive business rooms on the upper floors. This was by no mean= s a deterrent to us pilots. I discovered that if I took the elevator as high= as I could go without using a room key, I could then take the stairwell up = the remaining floors, to the rooftop. I was not interested in the hot tub, b= ut drinking a free soda and taking in the incredible view from forty storie= s up, was great. I spent many hours up there over those years and never sa= w another person on that roof. On my way down one day I decided to take th= e elevator from the highest floor. As I walked towards the elevator I saw = a door open to what looked like a lounge. I walked into the room and reali= zed this was a suite converted into the business club lounge. The suite was gorgeous, fronting the ocean, filled with food, drinks, newspapers, and a self-serve bar. The best part of this situation was realizing that there were no hotel employees in the room. I was alone wi= th platters of food, free drinks, and 24 hours off. I settled in like I own= ed the joint. I left two hours later, only when another hotel guest entered= the room. I went back many times, but one day, when I walked in, I saw a wom= an sitting behind a desk. 'Good afternoon sir, can I assist you?' she said.= I wanted to say, 'Yeah, can you just go away from this good deal I have?' = I remained calm and said, 'I am trying to find my boss, and I was told to = meet him here.' 'Oh, no problem, what is his name, I can look him up and contact him.' s= he said. I was digging myself into a hole. I politely refused her help and = left quickly. I could tell she was eyeing me suspiciously. When I got to the elevators, I turned around to smile at her. Next to every elevator was a= big bowl of tropical fruit and a stack of newspapers. In an act of defiance,= I picked up a papaya, a mango, and a Wall Street Journal while smiling. Th= e elevator arrived quickly and I left. I called the front desk and asked w= hen the business lounge was staffed. I was told that at 4:30 every afternoon= , the business lounge was staffed. I had my answer. From then on I made su= re I never spent time in that room after 3:00. I spread the word about the rooftop and lounge to my fellow pilots. One = of my fellow pilots brought his wife with him on a trip to Honolulu . He convinced the wife to go to the rooftop with him and sit in the hot tub.= It was a beautiful night and they ended up having sex, then more sex, then running around the rooftop naked. Just as they were getting back to putt= ing their clothes on, a security team came out onto the roof. Both parties w= ere surprised as hell to see each other. The pilot apologized to the securit= y team as he was putting his clothes on, grabbed a couple of free sodas an= d left with his humiliated and unhappy wife. There was a time when most airlines served good food, especially in firs= t class. I am allowed to sit in first class when I travel off duty. The pa= ss system at my company allows me to travel unlimited times a year. Some ye= ars ago a pilot told me that over the weekend he took his wife and children = on a flight that was a round trip flight to another city. He flew out on the first leg enjoying a nice lunch and free drinks in first class. They wer= e on the ground for an hour before the same aircraft with the pilot and his family still on it, returned to its point of origin. He and his family enjoyed a first class dinner on the way back, the children enjoying a fe= w ice cream sundaes. That was how they spent their day and evening, enjoyi= ng free food, drinks, desserts, and movies. The monthly food bills were les= s than normal because the pilot was uncanny in his ability to be a cheap bastard. Not that long ago I was riding to a hotel for a layover. Across the stre= et from my hotel I saw a sign on the marquis of another hotel advertising f= ree wireless Internet. My monthly schedule requests were due the next day an= d I needed Internet access to send my requests in. Instead of paying for the= service in my hotel, I walked across the street that next morning to use= the free Internet at the other hotel. I walked past the lobby and sat in a public area near a fireplace that had couches and coffee tables. As I wa= s booting up my computer I saw a large urn of coffee across the room. 'Wha= t the heck' I thought, it's just a cup of coffee. I got up and fixed mysel= f a large cup of coffee, just the way I like it. I was working on my compute= r with a solid Internet connection, drinking my coffee, when a hotel emplo= yee approached me. 'Sir, the breakfast buffet is now open, would you like me= to show you what we have this morning?' she said. Without the slightest hesitation, I said, 'Why that would be great, thank you.' I proceeded to= make myself a waffle, gather a plate of eggs and bacon, a glass of juice= , and a container of strawberry banana yogurt. I was still there three hou= rs later when they closed down the breakfast area. I was asked if I would l= ike anything else, so I asked if I could take a snack to go. I have shared t= his nugget with many of the pilots I fly with and they too have enjoyed a scrumptious morning buffet, across the street. This story could go on and on as there are endless examples of pilots be= ing cheap bastards, but there is one last example I would like to share with= you. About 16 years ago, I was an engineer on the Boeing 727. The captain bro= ught a bag onboard at the beginning of our trip. He handed me the paper bag a= nd told me to put it in a safe place. When we got to our destination that night, he asked me for the bag. During our four-day trip, each day would= start out the same, he would hand me the bag, I would put it out of harm= s way, and he would ask for it at the end of the day. On the last day he handed as he handed me the bag, I heard the clinking of glass. 'Be caref= ul with that,' he said. I asked him what was in the bag. He told me there w= ere about ten light bulbs in the bag. I asked him why he carried all of thes= e light bulbs around. He said to me, 'I take the burned out light bulbs fr= om home and exchange them with the working light bulbs in our hotel rooms.'= I was at a loss for words, but I remember thinking that this guy is one ch= eap bastard. OK Here's a true story I've told some of you but not all. I flew with a = guy that turned in his dirty uniform shirts, this was before 9/11, to a char= ity. He would come back a few days later when they were hanging on a rack & b= uy them back for .50-.75 cents. He said it was cheaper than sending them to= the laundry & he'd get credit for a Tax deduction for his charitable donatio= n- Now that that guy is cunningly cheap! The best slide auction on the net: http://www.auctiontransportation.com/sites/psa188/ <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> If you wish to unsubscribe from the AIRLINE List, please send an E-mail to: "listserv@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx". Within the body of the text, only write the following:"SIGNOFF AIRLINE".