I got the following one PaulMcelory (who wrote Tracon) San Jose, California After landing long to the southeast (due to rare winter winds), a Continental flight radioed the tower to say: ?OK, we?re stopped. Which way do we go?? The response: ?Taxi to the ramp via Interstate 880, Coleman exit. If unable, we?ll call one for ?ya.? ? Continental Airlines Captain Mr. Bill -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fort Wayne, Indiana I heard this one with my own big ears in the Fort Wayne Tower in the late 1960s. The subject phraseology was something I?d heard before as a joke, but this was real. The local controller was very busy, hardly taking time to breathe between transmissions to aircraft in the VFR traffic pattern, when the pilot of an AC68 transmitted, ?There?s a flock of ducks right at pattern altitude on downwind.? Without a pause, the local controller fired back: ?If you can contact the leader, tell him to get the flock out of there.? ? Mac Hayes (retired): Fort Wayne, Indiana, Tower -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- While taxiing to park after landing, an F-15 pilot radioed, ?Ground, Racer zero-one has just struck a coyote.? ?Racer zero-one, do you need any assistance,? the Tower controller replied. ?Negative, Ground. He?s dead.? ? Jeff Plendl: Holloman Air Force Base -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The a controller (working departure radar one night, issued a warning to a Braniff Boeing 720 that had just taken off. ?Traffic twelve o?clock, three miles, several targets, possibly a flight of ducks.? The pilot responded by asking, ?Do those ducks paint (appear on your radarscope) better if they?re banded?? To which the controller responded, ?No, but it?d sure help if they had a transponder.? The Braniff pilot then quipped, ?Well, they squawk, don?t they??