Gee - how many bees up your butt do you have? Lighten up already. Many - probably most - people like a little levity. David > I am sick and tired of people who are looking for jokes in an airline > service. At this point I ran out of airlines in my SEA-LAS run that doesn't > crack a stupid joke. Ted F/A was singing "Viva Las Vegas" this morning > today. Alaska flight attendants were joking about referring themselves as > "flight goddesses".. > > Who put the F/As in charge of being funny.. I don't give a rat's derrière if > you crack a joke, when I ask for a full can of soda and don't get it.. > > Oh yeah, don't get me started on Alaska's Preaching Flights on first class > where they leave you a note from Bible on F. If I wanted to have a religious > experience, I'd have gone to church.. > > BAHA > Missing sensible air travel > > -----Original Message----- > From: nobody@xxxxxxxxxx [mailto:nobody@xxxxxxxxxx] On Behalf Of Bill Hough > Sent: Sunday, April 04, 2004 7:25 AM > To: airline; skyone@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > Subject: [Sky-1] SFGate: Coast-to-coast comparison: Flying the frugal skies > > > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > This article was sent to you by someone who found it on SFGate. > The original article can be found on SFGate.com here: > http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2004/04/04 > /TRG2E5U5681.DTL > --------------------------------------------------------------------- > Sunday, April 4, 2004 (SF Chronicle) > Coast-to-coast comparison: Flying the frugal skies > Jane Engle, Los Angeles Times > > > Time was, Southwest was the only discount airline most people knew. No > more. The "bus of the skies" has a host of imitators, all promising low > fares and high fun. > Now the question is this: Who really delivers? > To find out, I recently rode four self-proclaimed low-cost carriers -- > Delta's Song, JetBlue, United's Ted and Southwest -- plus United on a > cross- country barnstorming tour to compare service, entertainment > options, food, comfort levels, fares and more. > My main impression of these five: Song was a standout, with its > cheerfully > corny crew, wacky color scheme and gourmet food. JetBlue pulled up second. > As for the rest, I found little difference in the flying experience -- > or sometimes even fares -- from one to the next. > I chose a route that would take me from Los Angeles to the East Coast and > back: Song from Los Angeles International Airport to Orlando, Fla.; > JetBlue from Orlando to Boston; United from Boston to Denver; Ted from > Denver to Las Vegas; and Southwest from Las Vegas to LAX. > This was not a scientific sampling, certainly. Trip legs varied from 4 > 1/2 > hours on Song and United to an hour on Southwest. I wasn't able to taste > full menus on all flights. Even within the same airline, different crews > may give different service. Fares, of course, shift constantly. > So I can report only what I found on my flights, detailed in the order > flown:. > Song > Delta launched this low-cost carrier last April on a fashionable note: > Kate Spade designer crew duds, organic buy-on-board menu by former W Hotel > chef Michel Nischan and seatback TVs. All this plus extra legroom. > The airline shuttles mainly between the Northeast and Florida but also > flies nonstop to Florida from the West, including Los Angeles. Its > promise, on its Web site: "The song is personal. It's unique. Memorable. > And brings a smile to your face." > It does just that, for the most part. The LAX gate crew for my morning > Song nonstop to Orlando was subdued. But at 54B next door, a Song agent > regaled -- or tormented -- his captive audience with jokes such as: "Knock > knock." "Who's there?" "Shelby." "Shelby who?" "Shelby coming around the > mountain when she comes." > Inside the squeaky-clean B757 cabin, where the color scheme was bright > blue with lime, purple and orange accents, the good humor carried through > to the safety audio, set to salsa music. > "You're lucky," the crew told us: We were on one of the first Song planes > to be wired for live satellite TV, with 24 channels. > You pay for food, and it's not cheap. But my gourmet vegan sandwich, a 7- > inch-diameter lavash stuffed with grilled vegetables, tofu and rice, was > worth the $8, and the Song Sunrise (vodka, orange juice and a splash of > cran-apple), $5, wasn't bad either. > Neither was my one-way fare: $129.10 (including taxes), the lowest in the > market the day I booked it.. > JetBlue > This 4-year-old, New York-based carrier has enjoyed a meteoric rise, > powered by low fares, roomy leather seats and 24 channels of satellite TV > beamed to every seatback. It flies to 23 cities in 11 U.S. states and > Puerto Rico, with a West Coast hub in Long Beach. In Northern California, > it offers service from Oakland and soon will fly out of Sacramento and San > Jose. > It also sports a breezy, cheeky style. > Directing us to pick up headphones from a box before boarding, the gate > agent in Orlando announced, "They're free now. But if you get on the > plane, they're $5,000." > By comparison, the crew on our A320 to Boston played it straight. But > flying was still fun. > My TV monitor worked, with occasional audio glitches. Guides to travel > manners ("Be nice"; "Pack your own meal") and "Airplane Yoga, or how to > look like a real weirdo to your fellow passengers," were clever. > The downside on my nearly three-hour flight: no magazines and skimpy, > albeit free, food offerings. The latter included the airline's reduced-fat > "blue" potato chips, party mix and cookies. There was no buy-on-board > program. The cabin was a vision in gray; I missed Song's hues. > However, my one-way fare was $87.60, lowest in the market when I booked.. > United Airlines > This industry giant, which traces its roots to a 1926 air-mail service, > is > the largest U.S. airline under bankruptcy protection. United has cut > costs, reduced some business fares, launched a low-cost carrier named Ted > and made other changes to try to pull out of its financial tailspin. > At Boston's Logan airport, I checked in for my 9 p.m. flight to Denver at > one of the self-serve kiosks. The remaining staff tagged bags and > processed customers with paper tickets. > The gate agents were efficient and cheerful, although devoid of knock- > knock jokes -- a mercy, perhaps. Ditto for the onboard crew. > The mostly gray cabin of our B757 showed some fatigue: Worn seatback > pockets were stuffed with unwrapped headphones and well-thumbed airline > and Sky Mall magazines. I missed having a personal TV, although "Master > and Commander: The Far Side of the World," screened on drop-down cabin > monitors, was a classy film offering. > My main complaint was legroom. With the seat in front reclined, my knees > cleared the seatback by barely 2 inches, less than half the gap on Song > and JetBlue. I'm 5 feet, 7 inches tall. No wonder 6-footers scramble for > bulkhead and exit-row seats. > There was no free food on my 4 1/2-hour flight, another "frill" that the > once-glamorous majors are eliminating to compete with their low-cost > cousins. But my $7 chicken Caesar salad wrap, bought onboard, was ample > and tasty. > Except for legroom, United delivered a good flying experience. As for the > fare: Had I booked JetBlue, I could have flown for $87.50 instead of the > $127.60 I paid on United.. > Ted > I had high hopes for a fun date with Ted, the low-cost operation that > United launched in February from its new Denver hub. > Sporting white, blue and orange plumage, Ted, which takes its name from > the last three letters of United, is "warm, friendly and casual," > according to its publicity. It also seemed aggressively trendy. The > onboard "Tedevision" and "Tedtunes" entertainment was getting enthusiastic > reviews from teens. > But I was mostly disappoin-Ted. > The Denver gate agent told me there would be no meals because the one- > hour, 49-minute flight was too short to qualify. (On longer flights, you > can buy $7 club sandwiches and salmon Caesar salads.) > At the gate, there was a forest of orange signs, offering cheery > greetings > such as "It's a great day to be flying," and "Ted is happy to see you." > But onboard, it was much like flying United, with its pleasant but > business-like crew and cramped legroom. Plus one unsettling oversight: a > used tissue in my seatback pocket. > Ted's entertainment was hipper, of course. There was no seatback > satellite > TV, but drop-down monitors showed a Liz Phair music video, a profile of > teen singer-actress Mandy Moore, an episode of NBC's "Scrubs" comedy and > other shows. Music on 14 channels ranged from retro to house and trance > mixes. We got little bags of party mix and beverages, including what Ted > touts as Starbucks coffee. On the upside, Ted delivered the lowest fare of > the five carriers I compared, $179.10, matching low-cost competitor > Frontier.. > Southwest Airlines > This granddaddy of discount carriers, launched in 1971 from Texas, > pioneered "flying for peanuts" with a sense of humor. > Although Southwest's flights, once regional, now stretch from coast to > coast, you'll still get only peanuts on shorter sojourns, and you won't > get a reserved seat. Just hope you get into Boarding Group A. > But Southwest is looking a little tired these days, judging from the > packed, hourlong flight I took from Las Vegas to Los Angeles > International. > The repairman apparently hadn't made a recent pass through our B737 > cabin. > My reading light didn't work. The seat in front was locked in > half-recline. A couple nearby shifted seats, complaining they couldn't > turn off the arctic blast from their air vent. > Although the crew was pleasant enough, they weren't funny. Not one corny > joke or silly guessing game. Just the standard safety announcements. > I was grateful for my two bags of free peanuts and an apple juice -- and > for my $47.60 fare, the lowest on the day I'd booked it. Southwest still > gets that right. > But for me, on this trip, there was little difference between flying > Southwest or United or Ted. > Allison Zahorik, a Southern Californian handbag designer who was in Las > Vegas for business, is a fan of Southwest, having been on flights with > more typically jolly crews. > "I like the people," she said. "They make a lot of jokes and make you > feel > comfortable." For a less-than-avid flier like her, "it makes a huge > difference," she said. > I hope the airlines are listening customers like her. Flying, after all, > was once fun. As Song and JetBlue prove, it still can be, even when done > on the cheap. > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > Copyright 2004 SF Chronicle > > > > SkyOne--The Airline News Channel > To Post message: Skyone@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > To Subscribe: Skyone-subscribe@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > To Unsubscribe: Skyone-unsubscribe@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > List owner: Skyone-owner@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > Skyone URL: > http://www.yahoogroups.com/group/Skyone > Yahoo! Groups Links > > <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Skyone/ > > <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: > Skyone-unsubscribe@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > > <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: > http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/ >