United put out a Press Release about an incident involving one of its airplanes. Below is the press release and what the airline REALLY meant to say: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "United can confirm that flight UA862, a Boeing 747-400 that departed Sydney on May 1st at 1:35PM (Sydney time) encountered clear-air turbulence approximately three hours into its flight. DAMN NEAR SHOOK THAT SUCKER TO PIECES! AND THAT IS ONE HELLUVA BIG-G-G AIRPLANE, TOO! AMAZING THAT THE WINGS DIDN' COME OFF! DANG! Clear-air turbulence is notcurrently detectable by even the industry's most sophisticated weather technology. SO PUT AWAY YOUR LAWYER'S PHONE NUMBER. IT ISN'T OUR FAULT. The flight diverted to Auckland Airport in New Zealand and landed safely without further incident at 11:06PM (Auckland time). EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT THE PILOT HAD TO GO CHANGE HIS SHORTS BEFORE LANDING. "United Airlines staff at Auckland airport met flight UA862 when the aircraft arrived and ambulances were standing by to transport injured crewmembers and customers to local hospitals. WE WERE SCRAPING PASSENGERS OFF THE CEILING FOR AN HOUR. AND THE ENTIRE CABIN STINKS OF HUMAN EFFLUENT. Seven injuries were reported,including two United Flight Attendants. WE EXPECT THEM TO BE BACK ON THE JOB TOMORROW. Four of the five have what local medical officials called minor injuries such as cuts, bruises and lacerations. OVER 95% OF THEIR BODIES ... AT LEAST THE PARTS OF THEIR BODIES STILL ATTACHED. The fifth, a crew member, suffered multiple fractures and has been classified in a moderate condition, at an Auckland Hospital. Two of the injured taken to the hospital have been treated and released. SENT HOME TO DIE The remaining two passengerswere treated at the airport on arrival before being taken with the other passengers to local hotels. WHERE THEY SPENT THE NIGHT AT THE BAR AND ON THEIR CELL PHONES TRYING TO BOOK A BOAT BACK TO THE U.S. Attend the Newark Airport Airline Collectible Show & Sale: http://www.freeyellow.com/members/psa188/page1.html